on love, beastie style

I bought Licensed to Ill on cassette as soon as I could in late 1986. I listened to it continuously my freshman year of college, which may have been the leading cause of my best friend suggesting we not room together anymore after first semester. (It was a smart move; we are still friends today). I chose my first, uh, experience based largely on the fact that he reminded me of Mike D. (I have no idea where that guy is today; this is alright). It is possible that I drank more than I should have at 18 due to my love of the Beastie Boys but I am at peace with this, too; it's important to have the right regrets.

The day I heard Adam Yauch had cancer three years ago, my heart skipped. It was impossible - he was young; he had a kid the same age as my boy; he was A BEASTIE. Shut up.

Then, my heart broke yesterday when I heard he had died. It feels weird to be so sad about a person I have never met, but it makes some sense. MCA and the Boys introduced me to my inner bad girl and, even though she got me put on academic probation for a year, she boosted my self-confidence and led me to discover who I really wanted to be. And, who I really wanted to be with: Adam Yauch was not the no-good sleazy fight-for-your-right-to-paaaaaarty loserish bad boy he played onstage; he was actually a smart, charming, groundbreaking & talented bad boy who turned out to also be a caring, giving, peace-loving and thoughtful [though still a little naughty] man. I married a guy just like that 19 years ago, and it was the best decision of my life.

I know Adam's family and the other Beasties must be inconsolable this weekend; I can only hope it helps their hearts knowing people like me are with them in sadness, and remembering the raucous joy he brought during his time here.