Comments on bad mom: a dangerous place

You have a knack for saying what I think Out Loud,...

2010-01-13T16:59:05.861-08:00

You have a knack for saying what I think Out Loud, and I love that about you.

Your friend is unfortunate to have said husband, but oh, so blessed to have you.

Ouch. What a sad story. I loathe grown men that ha...

2009-10-20T19:07:55.065-07:00

Ouch. What a sad story. I loathe grown men that have such an easy time acting like BOYS.

I think it is true that you can only hate a person...

2009-10-20T18:21:35.523-07:00

I think it is true that you can only hate a person you once loved.

"So my relational experiences boil down to I like/...

2009-10-20T18:00:39.257-07:00

"So my relational experiences boil down to I like/love you or I don't think about you enough to care."

That sentence is so great. I'm glad I'm not alone in not investing the energy in thinking about some people.

It's so hard not to hate, but I can understand why you would.

Yeah, I think I'd hate him, too. Obviously he does...

2009-10-20T17:16:34.840-07:00

Yeah, I think I'd hate him, too. Obviously he doesn't mind alienating himself from everyone who loved him as he pursues this selfish path, so he needs to reap what he's sowed.

On a completely different note, I have an award for you on my site.

I vacillate between a determination to not give hi...

2009-10-20T15:39:54.312-07:00

I vacillate between a determination to not give him any power whatsoever over my mental state - because he doesn't deserve to ruin my days - and the desire to send him the email that's been brewing in me for days.

I think I went from being sad for my friend - the parts that really are theirs - to realizing that even if he did somehow come back, I wouldn't be okay with him.

I hate feeling that way, but things have happened over the past few months that would have to be repaired.

And in the end, even if he's struggling through a crisis of his own, it's of his own making and he is still responsible for his bad behavior.

I am trying not to be angry, I'm mostly just hurt,...

2009-10-20T12:31:16.174-07:00

I am trying not to be angry, I'm mostly just hurt, confused, and missing his company.

Well, he must have been a pretty smart (or slimy) ...

2009-10-20T09:04:12.738-07:00

Well, he must have been a pretty smart (or slimy) person to have been able to pull the wool over the eyes of your bff, you, and Stu. Because, clearly, anyone who acts like he truly loves, trusts, and enjoys a person, then is willing to quickly give it all up, is obviously unstable. Or unbalanced. Or very smarmy.

I had similar feelings for my ex-sister-in-law after we found out she was cheating on my brother. Now, 10 years later, I still want to hate her. But my mom has told it to me like this: it didn't happen to you, it happened to your brother. If HE can get over it, you need to try too. (small difference, I do know this guy is betraying your friendship as well, but the real break is happening with is wife.) I learned to just realize that she didn't deserve my time or thoughts or energy. My hatred for her was simply wasted because it was never actually verbalized by me nor did I ever confront her. Plus, what would she possibly be able to do to rectify the situation? Nothing.

I say, support your friend by listening and being a consistent constant presence. Don't join in on her rants - it won't help her and if they (for some insane reason) end up working things out, it will be an obstacle in your friendship.

Try to channel your hatred for this douchebag into love for your friend.

Sorry for the expletive. But it fits, no?

I know exactly how you feel. "Friends" of ours are...

2009-10-20T03:47:19.226-07:00

I know exactly how you feel. "Friends" of ours are going through the same thing. I say friends loosely because how can you really be friends with someone who changes on a dime? In this case, as usual, man is so angry that she had the nerve to leave him, he immeadiately got himself a girl friend and sued for full custody of the kids. I am pretty sure he doesn't even know their birthdays. the rest of the supportive girls and I all maturely posted, "in ya face" on face book. Now I am the reactionary idiot! So I think, strong emotions all run form the same river.

Your post is aptly titled. You know, the song t...

2009-10-19T23:08:48.673-07:00

Your post is aptly titled.

You know, the song tells us there's a thin line between the two.

I keep telling myself he will come to his senses. But I don't think I believe that as much any more. The kidnapping might be helpful, but so might an exorcism.

I think it's easier to hate someone you've loved. It's harder for me to get to hate since I haven't known him 1/1000th as well as you.

But I know and love that bff, and sure feel anger toward anyone who hurts those I love. I just keep telling myself that hatred is a destructive emotion that harms the person who harbours it. Somehow, I think we're better off sticking to your previously expressed 3 emotional choices - he gets the "I don't think about you enough to care" treatment.