Monday, April 7, 2008

to my favorite crushes

Dear Grocery Store Hottie,

Thank you for waving me over to your lane this evening. I had entered the line where you were bagging because, well, I like to look at you wherever you are. Though talking to you is nice, too; I always enjoy your convincing concern about whether I found everything I wanted (um, YES - I only needed floss & Pirate's Booty because I've been into this store every day for a week...I appreciate you not judging), and your kind "Have a good evening" warms my heart. Plus, it cheers me that you never make reference to our obvious age difference of multiple decades. (Please note that if you ever want me to stop stalking you coming to your checkout, call me Ma'am. I won't be back because I will have died an anguished death). Anyway. I was secretly thrilled when you stopped bagging and went to open your own lane and waved directly at me in my general direction. Our encounter was, as usual, delightful; so much so that I extended it by asking for my $20 cash back in tens, please. Those extra seconds were precious to me, and to my children who spent the time racing around the produce section with a cart.

Yours until you call me old (or alert security),
Bad Mom

Dear Darling Husband,

I am grateful for your understanding attitude about my [not so secret] crushes on grocery store clerks. I'm glad you know it isn't about replacing you - even if a teenaged boy younger man were somehow interested in me, I would not want him. I live for your sweet smile, the way you think I'm sexy no matter what I'm doing or wearing, your endless handyman techniques, how you willingly, lovingly get me blankets and wine and tea from Singapore. I don't need you to do edgy things like wearing ear plugs or a wallet chain or a touch of eyeliner. You rock my world with your Relaxed-Fit Levi's and GAP t-shirts and black leather Skechers. Thank you for indulging my crazy.

Miss you terribly.
Love you always (with or without oatmeal carmelitas from you-know-where),
Bad Wife


CamiKaos said...


that's such a sweet and loving and beautiful post...

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

It's great to be married to a secure and understanding man.

Anonymous said...

As long as we (you) don't end up on E True Hollywood Story then I am OK. I need to find a hottie at Home Depot...

Although I am thinking about wearing eye liner. Maybe just another tattoo would do it. I have to catch up to Cami.

Do you need anything from Penang that you can't get from your grocery boys? I gotta stay one step ahead of the competition.


dkuroiwa said...

I hate to say this but...Stu needs to go out of town more often for the benefit of your readers because the last few posts have been just a bit funnier than usual!!! You two have a very enviable relationship...tatoos, eyeliner or lack thereof), secret crushes, sex thoughts and all!!!

Molly said...

Oh for the love of secret crushes! I have one on the librarian. I have not divulged my secret to my husband though. Not sure he would be as understanding.

Anonymous said...

I have a secret crush that is so secret I can't even reveal it on someone else's blog comments!

Lia Hollander said...

Me thinks you are a cougar! Rowl!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

We don't have hot grocery store clerks. I'm sad.

katydidnot said... maybe should've tried to make the husband's letter longer than the bagger's letter for it to be more...plausible.

and now i'm on my 3rd try and word verification. i'm pretty sure it's mmrgri. or rrmrgri., 4th try now.

~michelle said...

yeah, you need to thank your husband a few more times over for him putting up with your crazies! you have a good one sis!! and your obsession with the grocery boy is freaking me out!!
love, your BLUNT lil sis!


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