summer brain

To quickly dispel the nonsense that teachers get paid to do NOTHING during summer break, here is a rundown of what I've done since the end of June and what I plan to do in the next few weeks:

DONE

1. Ordered, picked up, and inventoried [might have glanced through giddily] $3K worth of books for our library
2. Cleaned my white boards
3. Put up one school motto decal
4. Read a potential title for our upcoming Everyone Reads program
5. Got new stickers for my rolling file box
6. Purchased a portable file box for indepedent contracts
7. Bought more reading material than will likely fit in my classroom

PLANNING TO DO

1. Put up decals in other classrooms
2. Create a logical, practical system for keeping track of independent contracts
3. Write letters begging community members to talk with Seniors about project ideas in September
4. Rewrite/organize lessons for English classes
5. Design Advanced Technology curriculum
6. Set up school library check-out system
7. Find a way to incorporate new reading material into classroom

So, 14 school-related tasks in essentially 7 weeks (we took a couple of weeks for our vacation and I'll spend at least seven days celebrating my birthday next month). Leaves me some time to take my kids to parks, aimlessly rearrange furniture, read some more, watch movies, celebrate my 25th reunion, and partake of Happy Hours...but NOT CAMP.

Best job ever.

beach bag bingo

Because I am an obsessive collector, organizer and seasonally-aware  decorator, I am a keeper of bags. Bags - in their various forms such as totes, purses, packs, carriers, and eco-friendly grocery sacks - offer me a way to take the things I want/need/obsess about wherever I go but in a neat & practical [and seasonally appropriate] manner. Whenever there is a free or inexpensive bag available, I snatch it immediately because I know I will find a use for it in my world.

So imagine my delight when Bob from Personalized Tote Bags contacted me with the offer of a free bag in exchange for my blog post. [THIS IS WHERE I TELL YOU I DID GET SOMETHING aka my fabulous free Bad Mom beach bag FOR WRITING THIS POST]  Imagine no more - here are words & photos describing my delight.

I call this a beach bag, even though I rarely visit the actual beach, because it looks all jauntily nautical with the weathered stripes, rope handle, and immense volume capable of holding multiple towels, water bottles, sunscreens, snacks, books, sand toys and snorkeling gear. I used it yesterday for a simple trip to the zoo and though I equipped it for myself and two kids, I didn't even come close to loading it. I kept thinking I should throw in a few jackets in case we developed a chill during the 95 degree day, because the bag still had so much room and felt sturdy enough to pack more stuff in. (Note the metal grommets around those sassy rope handles).

Next time I might hide a neighbor kid in here to save on entrance fees.
P.S. Zipper top! Excellent for discouraging pickpockets in crowded places.
And for being certain none of my 1.2 million necessities falls out.

I particularly love that this bag is cut with curves so I don't look like I'm carrying a gigantic rectangle, and the straps are long enough to put over my shoulder and still hold the bag above my waist. It's like the Personalized Tote Bags people know how real women want to look and feel when toting stuff around. (Bob did not tell me to say that. In fact, he didn't even tell me I had to write a nice post; he just sent me the bag and said "Please link to us").

I was hoping for a more renegade font for Bad Mom but a) it was free and b) the cursive does soften the sentiment; maybe Bob was afraid people would think I really am bad. That's sweet.

This particular bag - Stylish Beach Tote - retails for $27.99 (monogram included), which I think is a decent deal considering its size and sturdiness. Also, the bottom is flat so easy to set down without discombobulating all the contents. I have to say I don't love that it is made in China and I (the practical organizing queen) could use a few more pockets inside, but otherwise everything else about the bag is better than I expected. I am considering the Stylish Laptop Bag in their clearance section; apparently I am all about Stylish this summer.

I recommend a visit to Personalized Tote Bags if you're in the market for, you know, a personalized tote bag. There is something for everyone, even the not-crazy/obsessive collectors/organizers.


(Thanks, Bob!)

camptacular

I did, indeed, go camping yet again despite my vehement assertion that

I just read this brilliantly descriptive post at Practice of Madness about her recent venture into the wilderness. Interestingly, she experienced many things I have during a camping trip - getting lost, driving where most vehicles shouldn't be driving, being cold, feeling fury at the love of one's life - yet she was remarkably positive in her retelling. Generally, I take the martyr route when recounting my tales of being in Hell the woods. There is just so much this princess cannot take about such an outing.

Right after school was out this summer, Stu & I packed the kids plus a friend for each (to keep them company if/when we had to send them away from camp for bickering) into my Multi-Activity Vehicle [notminivan], which was equipped with a storage box on top and a trailer behind. If I am to give up precious summer vacation time to getting dirty and stinky and missing True Blood, I will have pillows and chairs and books and decent dishes and lots of good food & drinks.

We drove 3 1/2 hours southeast to a place that I was under the impression gets warm in the middle of June as it is called "High Desert." Well. I left 60 degree overcast weather so I guess 70 degrees was an improvement but I was glad I brought layers. Of course that didn't mean I refrained from complaining about the chilly evening, followed by complaining about the campfire smoke burning my eyes when I tried to sit five inches from the flames. Pretty starry skies what?

My joys in camping mainly come from watching people I love enjoying camping - the kids relish the freedom of riding their bikes around the campground with walkie-talkies; Stu feels all manly and capable collecting wood, starting & maintaining the fire, and cooking meals. (He once felt all manly and capable setting up the tent but I long ago squashed that quaint tradition by requesting a cabin or yurt at the campsite).

What do I do on this 'vacation'? I do my best to not bitch incessantly about the situation, I keep our supplies tidy & organized, I read a lot [I try to appreciate the Being in Nature thing by reading outside], and I take pictures. And if I'm allowed to be a truly bad mom, I will write blog entries or post updates & photos on Facebook.

We have one more excursion planned for this summer (because I so love my family! And hope this earns me points toward more momcentric trips to places where I don't have to sleep near dirt and get to shower daily), and I will try to look harder at the bright side like the author at Practice of Madness.

Stay tuned for notes from Cape Disappointment.

just beachy

Make a Smilebox slideshow

smell this picture

for the Wordless





and for the Silly

the scent of summer

strawberries, fruity and sweet

memories linger

please make my day as difficult as possible

I love that my girl is a Girl Scout. I love that she looks forward to going to Girl Scout camp each summer. I love that Girl Scout camp encourages carpooling. I love that Girl Scout camp is committed to keeping her safe.

Things I don't love?

Having to show not just the personal postcards for each girl I'm volunteering to pick up (see "encourages carpooling") - which alone seems an adequate means of proving I am, indeed, authorized to take a girl home to her parent who gave me the postcard - but being required to produce a NEW, ORIGINAL parent-signed note each day.

I tried being efficient yesterday by stapling the signed notes, which were dated for the week and provided the girls' names, unit numbers, parent signatures and names of volunteers who would be picking up, but the Gestapo Very Serious Pick-up Coordinator said ohhhhh no, that paper had to stay and a new one had to come each day with whoever was picking up the girls. Doesn't it make sense that if on the first day I'm okay with another mom driving my daughter home, I'll still be okay with it a day later? Maybe I'm missing a crucial piece to the safety puzzle.

Oh, and then I had to sign next to each of the girls' names before they were delivered to my car. This level of security rivals getting galleons out of Gringotts.

AND THEN I am reprimanded for trying to help one of the girls into her car seat before driving down the hill to "a safer spot." Gah.

In the morning, I only drop off Paige because I'm transporting Mason and his friends to their 4-H camp nearby. So it looks like I have a bunch of people to leave at Girl Scout camp, though I do not. The Gestapo One would know this if one actually walked up to my rolled-down window and asked who I was dropping off instead of going to the passenger side, opening the back car door and telling the bewildered non-Girl Scouts inside to get out. Wish I were kidding.

And then I was again reprimanded for helping readjust the kid whose seat I had to slide forward for Paige to get out. Because "there's a long line of people waiting!" (One car directly behind me).

Plus I didn't get a chance to give my girl a kiss goodbye in all the frantic commotion. Tomorrow I wear my Bad Mom t-shirt and make everyone just slow the hell down & lighten up. It's supposed to be a FUN place, right? Disneyland finds a way to keep kids safe without making it feel like a concentration camp; come on, Girl Scouts.

on the house

You've reached the blog of Bad Mom. She is unable to write a decent post right now because she is across the street at her best friend's house enjoying a cocktail class presented by their Favorite [hottie] Bartender. Please leave a comment and she will return the gesture when her hangover wears off as soon as possible.

beeeeeeeeep

Four drinks in four hours; glad I live 50 feet away.

a fair day

Stu played hooky from work a bit and we headed over to our county fair this morning.

What weather report?

Lunch time!

Who doesn't love carnival rides after a meal?

High flyers

SPIN IT, MOM, SPIN IT!

Swingers

Sharpshooter

Tall tale teller

No Get-Out-of-Jail-Free cards?

Oh how I love little pig butts

(They're delicious!)

Finding the queen

Sassy & sweetness

We really did love those pygmy goats

__________

Then home again, home again jiggedy jig.

summer camp for bad moms

I'm not quite sure what I've gotten myself into, but CamiKaos & Miss Burrows have concocted [I said "cock"] something for a few local ladies this Friday, and I am busting [snicker] out of my comfort zone to see what's going down [snort]. (P. S. I will not be talking like Beavis at the camp; I've seen the other women going and am certain they could break my glasses & make me cry).

I can't promise a full report of the goings-on (I'm pretty sure I'll have to sign some sort of privacy clause, maybe pinky swear, perhaps there will be tongue-binding spells; you see how clueless I am about the whole thing), but I will give as many details as I can when I get home Saturday.

What do you think would be a proper hostess gift in this situation?

big plans

So I tried the Not Counting the Days thing and attempted to find joy in all of the in-between moments of life before school is out. But I have failed, because I'm about ready to start counting the hours plus I'm planning the myriad of things I will do as soon as my teacher responsibilities are completed for the year.

For example:

• Taking a long, luxurious bath in the new tub while listening to Water for Elephants (so I'm actually prepared to rejoin my book group in July)
• Dinner at Marrakesh with marriage group friends
• Watching The Happening & The Incredible Hulk
• Beginning my couch potato adventure in TV series viewing
• Preparing little presents for BlogHer friends
• Packing for BlogHer
• Packing for Europe

And that's just the itinerary for June 13.

Then I'm writing a letter to these guys, to make sure they bring Donnie's little brother when they swing through Portland.

big ideas; requires a poll

Apropos of nothing (other than the mind-numbing business of counting down days until school is out), I have decided that I want to watch an entire series of something this summer. For a daily brain candy-indulgence, social & cultural enlightenment, and also a twisted sense of accomplishment.

I thought about "Sex and the City" because who doesn't want to be on that outrageous, glamorous bandwagon? But the answer is 'me.' I think I would just depress myself, coming to obvious terms with my lack of outrageous glamorousness.

So here are my top choices [I'm selecting just one series, because I truly do not want to be glued to the TV all day for two & a half months; just every weeknight]:

• "Northern Exposure" - Part of the "Sex..." appeal was the appearance of adorable Cicely DJ Chris


• "Angel" - Love "Buffy," it seems I should see the rest of the story (nothing to do with James Marsters as Spike of course)


• "Deadwood" - I do love those cowboys...


• "Oz" - It got so much buzz for being gritty & real; I might be feeling gritty this summer

So please exercise your right to vote on this very important issue (and there is always the write-in option, in case I've grossly ignored something extraordinary). You can use the official poll in the sidebar or just leave a comment. I love comments.

I appreciate your indulgence, and your patience with my vapid demeanor of late. [13 days]

maybe the speeding ticket clouds my outlook

I am on a family vacation, but have spent little time with my actual family. My best friend Jen & I drove the six hours here separately because of appointments, commitments, and, well, because we wanted to not experience the closeness of five children in one vehicle for half a day. Once we arrived last night, (after meeting Officer Fink) I had dinner with the kids then it was time for bed. I was too exhausted to hang out in the hot tub with my man. Everyone else went on jet boats from 8am - 2pm today; I declined and spent that time miscalculating distances, writing syllabi for my classes, and generally grousing to myself about this town.

I want to love this place; it has a beautiful beach and an interesting history. Yet every little thing is getting on my last end-of-summer nerve. The grocery store we shopped last night had the in & out doors on the wrong sides, a stinky nasty bottle return was overflowing at the exit, everything was priced as though plated with gold, and there was no discernible order to the aisles. Our beach house is adorable on the outside but, while roomy and outfitted with plenty of dishes, decorated with remnants of somebody's grandma's garage sale. The (only) local bookstore that is touted online as The Largest on the Oregon Coast was not as dreamy as I'd hoped (lacking that old paper/worn floorboards aroma) and its wi-fi cost $2.50 plus a cafe purchase - even though I'd just bought $18 worth of books. There were no NO adorable little bakeries, tea houses, gift shops, or delis. I spied many promising storefronts that ended up being deserted buildings once I'd finally arrived in front of them with my tired, blistered feet. I wish I'd remembered to bring my pedometer; if the tenth of a mile I walk around my house during the course of a day was impressive, today's sad expedition would have been frickin' awe-inspiring.

So I am loving the time I (eventually) get to spend with my family & friends, and I'm glad for having finished some of my school work, and of course thankful that we are all safe, healthy, and able to enjoy a vacation. I can't wait to get home. (Stu will be driving).

shhhh, secrets

Suz tagged me for this series of questions and I can't resist. Not because I'm a total nerd, shut up. Clearly she thinks I have a fantastically naughty side (c'mon, I'm BAD MOM), with lots of sizzling secrets I'm dying to share. So here goes - you sensitive readers may have to shield your eyes occasionally...

This Summer Have You...

1. Had a boyfriend or girlfriend? Imaginary boyfriends, of course (they pay no attention to my moods), and girlfriends? YES, on trampolines, having pillow fights, in our underwear. Every day.

2. Told someone I love you? Oh yes

3. Cried? Oh yes

4. Wanted someone you couldn’t have? Well, not really.

5. Been to the beach? A Hawaiian one actually; I'd like to say I rolled around on the one seen in "From Here to Eternity." But I did not.

6. Talked on the phone all night? You obviously aren't aware of my hate/hate relationship with the telephone. No.

8. Stayed up all night? Not since the PTA auction. Wooooooo! I'm a hellraiser.

9. Went shopping? I don't like your accusatory tone.

10. Went swimming? (This is the sound of me laughing so hard I can't breathe)

11. Been out of state? Yes, Hawaii (and I cross the river into Oregon everyday...Kind of anticlimatic that trip is though)

12. Been asked out? I like to think my husband is "asking me out" when we have dates; seems more exciting that way.

13. Asked someone out? That's what I'm doing when I say "Please call your dad to see if he can watch the kids TONIGHT."

14. Gotten into a car with a stranger? Strange people, yes, but not technically strangers

15. Lost someone close? Thankfully no. Would that be a secret??

16. Slept in someone else’s bed? Why as a matter of fact, YES. My parents' guest bed, a futon in the campsite yurt, and the hotel at Waikiki

17. Had someone sleep in your bed? The frickin' cat hides in there sometimes...

18. Been drunk? Of course not. That's ridiculous. (Look at my straight face! I should win an Oscar)

19. Been to a club? Not yet, she says mysteriously...

20. Been grounded? Wait a minute - are these questions for teenagers?

21. Ran? Let's see, been chased this summer by an axe murderer? No.

22. Regret something? Regret bores me.

23. Been dumped? Not that he hasn't likely pondered it a couple of times...but no.

24. Lied? Certainly not. Did that count?

25. Done anything against the law? (Shield your eyes, sensitive readers!) I have jaywalked, driven over the speed limit, and...oh wait, that's only against the law in certain states.

26. Been camping? Yes, ask the squirrel about it.

27. Been in a fight? I like Suz's term - "heated discussions." There was no blood. A few tears. Sweat afterward.

28. Stayed at a hotel? Yup

29. Flirted with someone? Not that I know of...

30. Skinny dipped? That's kind of like swimming, right? See #10.

31. Gone to a concert? Harry Connick, Jr. at the beginning of June; Fountains of Wayne next month! Eeeeeeeeeeee! They will groan at the sight of me.

32. Gotten in a car crash? Not for lack of trying (JOKE!)

34. Almost died? Figuratively, all the time. Literally, um no. (Again, doubt that would be a secret)

35. Met a celebrity? Alas, Vancouver is not a hot bed of celebrity. Although I imagine I see them all the time, because I am a little delusional. I will post about that soon.
___________________________
Tag Mama Milton and anyone else who reads this & has a blog. I'm nice like that (and without many blogger friends...*sob*). If you are indeed taking this on from here, please post your link in my comments! That'd be swell.