71/365 "recreation"

August trip-planning
Big Apple with bff
Getting obsessive

20/365 "joy"

bright
bangle
beads
best friend
bought
beloved

thankful: girlyfriends

They prop me up, from here and there and everywhere; they are my Smart Girls Club. Thank you, ladies, for tea & laughs & love & support. Oh, and booze. (I wouldn't be a real bad mom without that).

Dearest [foul-mouthed] adventurer, Holly





Mellow Mama Milton



Joyous, gracious Jen




Sam, sassy & silly but remarkably sensible





fallout

While I've never exactly entertained the idea of divorce as a reality in my world, I have of course given it a passing thought - usually along the lines of what I would and would not do should I or a friend have to deal with it. For example, I like to think I could be Jennifer Aniston reasonable & classy and not Anne Heche batshit crazy. It seems to me that because I once obviously loved this man I married, I could find it relatively easy ['relatively' meaning compared to choosing which child to save from Nazis] to be at least cordial to him. I even thought, during my fleeting very-special-Lifetime-production moments of 'what if,' maybe we could just be friends (who once upon a time happened to create children together via very naughty sex).

Now that I have had to live through the nightmare of my best friend's divorce, my beliefs are shifting. In the beginning, when we thought her now-ex was not completely insane, we tried hearing both sides; I employed my Teacher Attitude, the one where I listen intently, nod, and attempt a nonjudgmental face while someone weaves a story smelling strongly of bullshit explains a situation. But the bullshit was overwhelming and while I believe myself to be relatively tactful ['relatively' meaning I probably won't throw bricks through windows], I cannot abide nonsense. And in the past twelve months, the nonsense has grown to epic proportions. This is where it has dawned on me that I would probably be more in line with the embittered, vindictive, nearly hysterical women. I frequently want to scream, hurl objects, even set stuff on fire because of my friend's ex's behavior. Stu shudders to think what I might do if ever, God in all His glory forbid, he were to divorce me.

But the catch is if I draw attention to the ex's stupidity flawed actions - even in a tactful way - the man punishes my best friend through various unpleasant interactions (mostly yelling or making her life miserable by whimsical change of schedule, sometimes throwing or slamming things,). On the one hand, it is exciting that he feels so threatened by me that he won't approach me or even send an e-mail with his complaints (this love of instilling fear in people must be the Leo part of my birthdate). But certainly in the end, I do not want my friend to suffer and so I bite my tongue and try not rolling my eyes or flipping him off whenever I see him. I do, however, have dreams wherein I pummel him mercilessly.

Besides having lost what I thought was a good friend, there are other issues with this guy turning into a jackass. Things we did together as a group and things we mutually enjoyed are now tainted. I don't want to listen to Billy Joel anymore because Jackass often sang his songs (luckily my will is strong for sticking with John Mayer since I actually went to his concert with my best friend & Jackass). When my kids ask about going back to Lincoln City, I think of Jackass and his relentless badgering of my best friend there last summer, before he moved out of their house. I won't even look in the direction of a particular couple of restaurants in our town because we went to them (and seemingly had fun) with Jackass once upon a time.

Tonight I am hosting a Divorce Debauchery Party for my best friend. We're getting massages, meeting friends for Happy Hour dinner, having a For Your Pleasure party in our hotel room, going to a drag show. All good, relatively clean ['relatively' meaning I will carry hand sanitizer in my purse next to the roll of singles] fun in the name of A New Life. Without jackasses. Or, for what it's worth, Billy Joel.

love my bartender

My man Dave has asked (and offered free cocktails if I comply*) for my help winning him a trip to NYC to learn Japanese Bartending [I have no idea what that means - Everything fits in the palm of your hand? The shot glasses have Hello Kitty on them? You have to dress like a naughty schoolgirl??]

So PLEASE do this very easy thing: Go to Cocktail Kingdom and move David Shenaut to the #1 spot in the voting box. You do have to put other people in the #2-10 slots in order for your vote to go through; I chose women who sounded sassy but nice and men's names that didn't remind me of boys who've been mean to me. I call that seriously Scientific.

*He really didn't.

But he usually gives me a little something special if I pout and sigh enough, which I think is a very good quality in a bartender.

We thank you for your consideration.

Cheers.

haikuckoo

I open my home to my good friend Jimmie and what does he do? Not just once (first on my birthday, which was really the ultimate insult) but TWICE - he beats me at the Audience Haiku Challenge at the Live Wire! Radio show.

Me trying to be a gracious loser

We both wrote to the theme "Mothers."
Jimmie's entry:
I love my mother
But she didn't breastfeed me.
That is why I'm gay.

I was tipped off that including something about boobs might get me a winner, so I went with this:
The nice moms smile sweet;
But bad ones show some cleavage.
Join the P.T.A.!

Sigh. Then my secret Live Wire! boyfriend ignored me (though my favorite writing workshop teacher Greg Robillard who does not think I'm a stalker used his back for signing my poster) and my cleavage.

But I had a delectable dinner before the show at Berlin Inn, and my delovely friend Holly & her family saved front row seats, and everything else about the evening was enjoyable.

The young handsome young talented band
The Lonely Forest from near my hometown
made up for my disappointment

I might invite Jimmie back for the December show; I'll have crutches then to beat him with if he wins again.

lifelines

glo-ri-ous : (adjective) delightful; wonderful; completely enjoyable

Lighting out with Birthday Girl's new iPhone boyfriend
(my hair in the rearview mirror is the only shot of me tonight; enjoy)

We discovered Happy Hour is all day Thursdays
at 3 Doors Down

The ubiquitous drink shot

Our gracious waiter with Sam* & Jen



Bagdad Theater, Hawthorne district
It's full of sophisticated ghosts, I'm positive

Lisa, Lovely Volunteer #1
before she was sent to check IDs at the door
(her former bartending days at play there)



Holly, Lovely Volunteer #2
with whom I competed to give out the most programs
at the same door


*Ode to a So-Called Peripheral Friend

I carelessly overlooked her

in my post about best friends.

But The Good Sam,

our Glinda, our life of any party

cannot be forgotten -

which is, overall, a fine thing.

She is brutally honest

yet heartbreakingly tender;

She allows my inner 21-year old

free reign around band members,

PTA conventions, and karaoke clubs.

We are wildly smart & smartly wild

together.

Sam is definitely one of the best

I saved for last.

[Happy, big baby?]

And,

Happy birthday to my first grown-up best friend, Jen.

Love you & your rockin' FM boots, bff

saving the best

I had a couple of friends who were girls
from kindergarten through sixth grade
But I was always on edge with them,
Trying to stay on their good side
while sidestepping their meannesses toward others.

In junior high I met my first girlfriends.
They were smart, like me, enjoyed reading
like me
Thought the same goofy boys were endearing
and never expected meanness
to stay on their good side.

But in college we separated,
growing toward our grown-up lives
and away from each other.
I made other friends,
none close.

Now in the middle of my life
I have found the friends I need the most.
They are smart, like me, enjoy reading
like me
Think the same goofy boys are endearing
and expect nothing but honesty
to stay on their good side.

Jen strengthened my faith in God and myself;
she showed me how to be a beautiful strong woman
regardless of how ugly & weak we saw ourselves at times.

Lisa shared a passion for writing out our hearts & minds;
she showed me how to be joyous yet fierce
even when staring into the face of pain & sorrow.

Holly renewed my spirit for activism and involvement;
she showed me how to take a stance & establish a presence
despite my fear & uncertainty.

Now is the time for girlfriends, powerful ones,
when I am sure yet not;
when I am steady yet not;
when I am solid yet not.

I am blessed, I am loved, I am whole at last.


for Love Letters and Yesterday, Today and Forever

dodging bullets

Here is what happens when I am emotionally distressed - I can't write very well. The ideas that seem hilarious and/or relevant in my head evaporate into puddles of stupid when I write them down. And when I try to be thoughtful & real it sounds all heavy and Oxygen-channelish, unbearably wrong.

So I'll just be conversational stream-of-consciousness right now in order to get this stuff out before it infects me further and ruins my f*cking birthday. A friend of mine (and I'm unfortunately using the term 'friend' loosely at this point) has moved out of his home, leaving my other verygood friend (term used strongly) and her children reeling. He (loose friend) claims all kinds of sad things that sound ridiculous to me but I am trying to give him the benefit of the extremely doubtful doubt and breathe deeply & be supportive of his wife/my verygood friend while he "works things out" by living an hour away, half-heartedly attending counseling, and alienating everyone who cares about him. Opinionated, me? My friend (the verygood one) has called me fierce; I like that.

The suddenness of this development (though Loose Friend says it should have been obvious for years) has caused me to scrutinize my own relationship. Because, frankly, I had put my man and VeryGood Friend's husband at the same level of fun-loving & committed before last week. In the past half-dozen years, nearly every social good time involved these friends; I believed all of us to be enjoying each other's company. Stu has gamely been enduring my sideways glances, long reminiscing observations, pensive silences, my cryptic leading questions ("Sooo, are you unhappy with our life??").

I don't know what else to say, and I have no idea what to do - other than just live and keep being honest, open, and supportive. I had no idea that was a novel idea to some people.

funky haikulicious

Swinging in the New Year

Get your groove on at Wordless Wednesday

________________________

Boogie without friends?
Dude, what a total bummer.
Too heavy to dig.

holiday

We started the 4th of July weekend a little differently this year. Our boy has been at Scout camp all week and won't be reunited with us until tomorrow around 0700; Paige & Bad Dad left home with the neighbors [minus my bff Jen, Assistant Bad Mom] at 0630 this morning to be at the nearest water park by opening hour; best friend & I loafed around all morning until it felt right to go get manicures, then it was time to have lunch at a local cafe before driving to the general area where our families were amusement parking it up, but instead of joining them we scoured the Nordstrom & GAP clearance racks. Finally, we waited for our men & children in the hotel lobby with complimentary wine & a stack of Entertainment Weekly back issues.

It's how we all do togetherness, separately.

An inauspicious beginning to our 3-hour drive
(this is 15 minutes from our house)

Mt. Rainier in sight means only an hour to go!
[Why yes, I did take this shot while driving at 65 mph]

Asleep at the remote

What bad moms do on family vacations

at your cervix

My best friend Jen was told by her gynecologist last week that her cervix is 'unusually firm' for someone her age [which is a number of years younger than me; must remember to ask my gyno to evaluate my cervix next month...]. We called that reason to drink lots of wine celebrate, and I announced that she qualifies as one of my heroes this month.

Jen is a hero not only because of her extraordinary lady parts - she is a mom of 3 boys (that exhausts me just typing it), works in the special ed classroom at our kids' school (doubly exhausted now), and is a genius wingwoman. I am eternally blessed that she moved in across the street nearly six years ago; we immediately connected and were offering each other deep conversation & afternoon cocktails tea within a week. Despite her shocking Republican status, our friendship has grown & thrived as each of us has individually.

We occasionally compete for cutest hair or best boob display [I usually win for sheer volume but her cleavage is always better; she's braver than I] or for the attentions of Certain Bartenders, but in the end we prefer to cheer each other's efforts & successes and be content with our simple, soul-boosting camaraderie.

Thank you for being a firm friend, Jen.

Cheers to good-looking cervices

glossed weekend

My formerly-long weekend was cut short by the excessive snow days we endured five months ago, yet it has still been a delightful few days.

The good times started Friday at 2:25 pm when I drove out of the school parking lot following our principal to her house for a birthday party in honor of co-worker Monica's 40th birthday. Alas, I didn't have my camera to document the personal Happy Hour (times 5) Mr. Principal provided for us but that's probably for the best; our hijinx, mild as they were, would only look scandalous when pirated on YouTube. [We did have a raucous discussion about knob goblins, though, and that's all I'll say].

Mom on trampoline

Not this weekend, but how I felt about having 3 days off.

Saturday was about hair color and a couple of fruitful garage sales (Scattergories for my classroom for $1 and a brand new Tommy Hilfiger backpack for 3 bucks!) and some shopping & library time in Portland before another birthday celebration for Monica [40 is a big deal, remember?].

Divas of social studies & English electives

Homemade strawberry shortcake = Heaven on a plate

Today I skipped church *cough*HEATHEN*cough to clean the house for guests. But if I hadn't tidied up, I would have been a crabby hostess and I'm pretty sure Jesus would have been more disappointed with that than watching me not stand up & sing for 45 minutes.

Paige's ubiquitous signage

A congenial crowd

The delightfully witty Holly with her immensely cerebral
& thoroughly likable boy and man

Mr. Milton and my bff, the Mama

My wild & crazy PTA partner Sam
with her loving hubby Chris

There's real love here, I'm just weary.
Luckily I still have one more day off...

love and hugs and all that

As I mentioned yesterday, lovely words & recognition fill my [chocolatey chocolate mousse-filled] cup. Larry at Yesterday, Today & Forever (and also the delightful Danielle at Don't Touch the Cactus!) shared the love and now I'm passing it on, because that what you do with love - it's like a pleasant virus.

Official words:

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

If you've won it already, please just accept this as a gift! Thanks to the following for blessing us with your openness in sharing your journey.

My words:

Though I have been an absent reader/commenter of late, I still so admire these people and believe you might as well.

• Lisa of Mama Milton
• She's A Rebel, She's A Saint
• Amy at Syma Says
• Jenn at Juggling Life
• Texan Mama of Who Put Me in Charge of These People?
• Holly, Traveling Through Time and Space
• Miss Burrows, A.R. and Proud
• CamiKaos

The End. Happy Monday!

previously on bad mom

I owe my man big time tonight for taking one for the girlfriend team - he stepped in and joined my best friend's husband for a concert she really truly was not up for and was becoming increasingly cranky about so my best friend could instead go to a movie with me & our other best friend. Stu's selflessness may have saved their marriage and it is definitely going to improve ours as soon as I get this post finished.

So I give you a rerun featuring his previous Good Husband qualities.

Oh, and enjoy the extra daylight tomorrow. (Except for all you in Arizona. Like you need an extra hour of sunshine).

but today i totally sucked

Lest you get the impression that I am a teaching goddess - or as one extraordinarily generous blogger friend put it, "Jesus" - I give you Exhibit A, a Supremely Sucky Tuesday in the classroom.

Nothing, and I am not being dramatic, nothing qualified as 'going well' today.

Those brilliant seniors [high schoolers, not geriatrics, Texan Mama] of yesterday's fame? Two of the 21 were actively paying attention during our 90 minute period; one sympathetically remarked to me that class was "painful." And there was girl drama of epic proportions that I tried unsuccessfully to downplay.

Advocacy class was suspiciously sparse; those in attendance could not. stop. talking while I was attempting to explain the day's plan - one student actually kept shouting "EVERYONE BE QUIET" exactly when I would start to speak.

By the time Technology rolled around sixty-five hours later I had decided to spend most of the period watching the special features of Minority Report, focusing on the aspect of our vision of the future vs. Hollywood's, and what kinds of jobs are represented in moviemaking. The lameness was not lost on my students but they generously played along and did not stage a mutiny.

The blinding, piercing headache I left school with was, however, soothed by my coming home to a completely clean kitchen (THANK YOU BEST HUSBAND EVER) and by my best friend inviting me to share her perfect Darjeeling tea and chocolate chip cookies (THANK YOU BEST LISA EVER). So I have to qualify that nothing going well - at 4:00, everything felt better.

backstage

Because I was not, yet again, invited to the actual Oscars, I held my annual party tonight in my humble home.

It was everything I love - fabulous friends, extraordinary food & drink, lively discussion, and a show worth three [and a half] hours of my life. I'm particularly pleased that the Academy saw most everything my way this time; they can be so difficult.

But now the real world looms in the form of dirty dishes overtaking my kitchen and a job starting in a handful of hours. Must go now to present the award for Best Husband in A Supporting Role...

sunday sweetness

My best friend Jen invited me to her friend's graduation from the Oregon Culinary Institute. After much arm-twisting, I agreed to go.

Muah-hahaha. I'm so there.

Truffles and nougats and meringues, oh my!


I swear I was not the one who swiped a finger
through that decorative chocolate...



Little cups of melted chocolate, I want to marry you.

Lori's extraordinary array of goodies - you can even eat the dishes.

I want her to graduate every weekend...

fabulosity

Dear dear young & talented Sara at Subjective Beauty has deemed my blog "Fabulous" with this, well, fabulous badge:

I'm pretty sure I looked just like that in Paris last summer.

Many genuine thanks to Sara for the compliment; I only hope I can live up to it.

To accept this award I must post it on my blog, nominate 10 blogs to receive this award, link to the blogs I nominate, and notify the nominees. To accept your award, simply follow the same procedure.

Here are some of my favorites in the Most Fabulous Blogs category:

• Mama Milton
• Vintage Thirty
• Beanpaste
• Katydidnot
• Traveling Through Time and Space
• San Diego Momma
• Spiral Bound
• Mel, A Dramatic Mommy
• Holly's Never Ever Land
• AR and Proud

You will instantly feel far more fabulous once you've visited these brilliant women, guaranteed.

suburban mom fantasies

Got it goin' on.

Me & the man who indulges my delusional pseudo-groupie behavior

Good girlfriends who lovingly go along with my fanaticism


Mmmm, cocktail & calamari


Emptied pockets & purse
(Thanks again to Sam for pilfering the poster!)

I know I'm a complete lame ass for not taking photos at the actual concert; Stu tried with his cell phone but they turned out looking like bad UFO sightings. I really wish I could have captured the slightly disdainful, contemptuous (but ohmyGod still hot in a bad bad boy way) looks from Jody or the sweet, geekish enrapt faces of Chris & Adam but alas. [Brian on drums is usually cute *see striped shirt guy in poster* but resembled Grizzly Adams last night so I'm leaving him off my list of must-have-gotten shots; no offense to very hairy bearded individuals, it's just not my thing].

The concert was slightly longer than last time and they did play most of the songs I missed then (I take this as a sign that they read my numerous pleading e-mails blog and only want to please me), plus it was 21+ which is good for not having teenagers squealing near me [I just want to be away from teenagers on my days off, please God] and for being able to drink my vanilla Cosmo outside of a roped area. But that distinction really seemed to mean "AARP discounts this way!" The volume of near-geriatric, sitting-the-entire-time (!!!) fans was kind of weird, though it certainly helped make me feel young & hot.

In the end, a pleasant time. Though I'm still hoping for a return e-mail or post-concert party invitation someday; for now I'll settle for Facebook friendship. Oh yes I did.