I think Very Mary & I should have a spam smackdown - not only to see which of us gets more crapola like this, but also to find out whose letters have the more atrocious grammar. If my students never produce writing like this, I will be supremely satisfied. Highlights and parenthetical smart ass comments are mine. You are advice to read at your own risk.
Attention: Esteemed Customer,
This is to notify you about the statue of your fund right now on our desk (Is that kind of like an Oscar? I would actually like one of those...). The office of the Presidency in Nigeria, Forwarded and request that we pay you with immediate effect. After due vetting and evaluation of your payment file, from our findings you have been going through hard ways (You don't know the half of the hard ways I've been going through) which has been delayed. You are advice to prevent further communication with whichever third parties unless on our directives. We found out that you have meet up with the whole requirements regard the release of your funds payment, but your representatives in Africa (How did I get these?? Is Oprah somehow involved) and demand of unnecessary money. Whatever you do from now onward is at your risk for they are nothing but crook scammers (Thanks for the heads-up!).
The only thing required from you is to obtain Non-Resident Tax Clearance Form/Receipt which we are not asking you to pay the fee to us here in United Kingdom as the Government of Nigeria have paid us for handling/Cost of Transfer of your fund with other papers (This sentence wins the prize for Longest Incoherent Run-On Ever! Please to send reply of Okay in immediate circumstance). We will help you to see that you obtain the Clearance Form/Receipt here in Nigerian Embassy in London Annex Office so that our bank, Barclays Bank of London will effect immediate payment of your contract/inheritance sum. Will you follow up our directives, and your fund wlli (Huh?) reflect in your account within 2 working days from the day you obtain the clearance on Non-residential Tax. Note: You are been warned for impostors (Again, many thanks for having my back), Make haste and claim you're fund before we go on holiday.
Dr. John Camper
Head Claim Dept.
Barclays Bank Plc (Hey, are we bailing them out, too?)