Thursday, September 25, 2008

be wary, esteemed reader

I think Very Mary & I should have a spam smackdown - not only to see which of us gets more crapola like this, but also to find out whose letters have the more atrocious grammar. If my students never produce writing like this, I will be supremely satisfied. Highlights and parenthetical smart ass comments are mine. You are advice to read at your own risk.

Attention: Esteemed Customer,

This is to notify you about the statue of your fund right now on our desk (Is that kind of like an Oscar? I would actually like one of those...). The office of the Presidency in Nigeria, Forwarded and request that we pay you with immediate effect. After due vetting and evaluation of your payment file, from our findings you have been going through hard ways (You don't know the half of the hard ways I've been going through) which has been delayed. You are advice to prevent further communication with whichever third parties unless on our directives. We found out that you have meet up with the whole requirements regard the release of your funds payment, but your representatives in Africa (How did I get these?? Is Oprah somehow involved) and demand of unnecessary money. Whatever you do from now onward is at your risk for they are nothing but crook scammers (Thanks for the heads-up!).

The only thing required from you is to obtain Non-Resident Tax Clearance Form/Receipt which we are not asking you to pay the fee to us here in United Kingdom as the Government of Nigeria have paid us for handling/Cost of Transfer of your fund with other papers (This sentence wins the prize for Longest Incoherent Run-On Ever! Please to send reply of Okay in immediate circumstance). We will help you to see that you obtain the Clearance Form/Receipt here in Nigerian Embassy in London Annex Office so that our bank, Barclays Bank of London will effect immediate payment of your contract/inheritance sum. Will you follow up our directives, and your fund wlli (Huh?) reflect in your account within 2 working days from the day you obtain the clearance on Non-residential Tax. Note: You are been warned for impostors (Again, many thanks for having my back), Make haste and claim you're fund before we go on holiday.

Yours Faithfully,
Dr. John Camper
Head Claim Dept.
Barclays Bank Plc (Hey, are we bailing them out, too?)

9 comments:

i am very mary said...

Um, Steph? By posting this letter on your blog? I think that you have explicitly broken this rule, thus rendering your payment null and void:

"You are advice to prevent further communication with whichever third parties unless on our directives."

Because, well, you were adviced.

i am very mary said...

Also, I prefer jello wrestling to smack downs. But a day together chock full of shopping and criticizing the outfits of others? That would be just as much fun as the jello. (Tell Stu to shut up right now.)

phd in yogurtry said...

A recent NPR Sunday morning program aired a story about scambaiters.. a group of techies who go after these foreign scammers .. Nigerian in particular. So you've got a live one, it seems to me.

I think this is their website.
http://www.419eater.com/

stu said...

Very Mary, you had me at jello wrestling. You lost me at shopping...

stu said...

Stephanie, I have changed the passwords to all of our accounts so you don't accidentally send the wrong people any money...

LarryG said...

well there he is "Mr Happy Camper" himself. obviously your ship has come in. and you wlli benefit muchly :)

Denise said...

When we got back from Italy last year, emails started pouring in like this. I don't know where they get the travelers info....but they do!

JCK said...

Would have been so much easier had they said....the check is in the mail.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Have you seen the one someone wrote as if they were Hank Paulsen sending it to the taxpayers? What a hoot! And painfully dead on.

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