Saturday, October 4, 2008

My wife can't post and drive at the same time, pffft...What's with that?

AKA Stu's guest post #3.

That's right beloved reader, this is not Stephanie, but rather her home maintenance and bedroom satisfaction guy. I had to put that last part in since I was given strict instructions to "don't post anything naughty" (oops, blew that rule).

Anyway, the little lady was off this weekend being all PTAish and stuff while I pine away at home (don't cry for me Argentina). I took this opportunity to put in a new toilet and faucet in our downstairs bathroom. While buying the toilet and faucet, our son (who has a hard time with change) questioned me incessantly about why we need a new toilet. Regular reasoning did no good.

Boy: Dad why do we need a new toilet? I like our toilet.

Me: Because that toilet is always plugging.

Boy: It works fine for me...most of the time...

Me: Exactly. "Mostly" is not how I like my toilets to work.

Boy: Why is this one better?

Me: Well in our toilet the poop moves very slow. If I am poop (snicker) and move very slow toward you (I am now slowly moving toward him) how hard is it to stop me? (I am now sort of gently bumping and swirling around him)

Boy (now giggling as Poop Dad is bumping him): easy

Me: Now, if I am the same poop and I am running at you, can you stop me? (I am now running right at him)

Boy: AAAAAAAAAAAhhh

Me: This is why we need a new toilet.

Boy: Right.

Poop talk always works with boys

Sorry to not have a very long post, but both of the kids are sleeping at friend's houses, Stephanie is almost home, and I need to get ready for some of that 'home maintenance' I was not supposed to mention...

-Stu

13 comments:

stephanie (bad mom) said...

"Sorry to not have a very long post"

It actually seemed quite long enough, frankly. But thank you, darling, you are the best.

Ready for my home maintenance...Caulking tonight?

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Poop talk is so refreshing. It definitely beats any discussion about politics or religion!

katydidnot said...

omg, i'm just speechless.

except to say, omg.

and that was the best toilet personification/metaphor ever. no surprise it came from stu.

Lisa Milton said...

Great post, but better when I saw the visual - not THAT visual - but reenactment of the explanation.

(Welcome home, Stephanie. :))

brandy101 said...

To paraphrase renee Zellweger,

*You had me at poop talk*

:)

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Mrs. G. said...

Well don't woo her with any poop talk-trust me, it only works with boys. Mention how nice her hair looks and ask her if she has lost weight.

Suzanne said...

Stu is amazing at poop metaphors. I know that I would be freaked out if a guy, claiming to be poop, ran full speed at me. Here's to a future filled with many forceful flushes...

LarryG said...

sounds like the "return of poop-n-stein" may be next...
or 'bride of poop-n-stein'
or son...
well.. you get the idea!
hey this was an awesome post, very inspiring...
now if I can find the editorial page of the paper. i'll be "bizee" for a while...

i am very mary said...

snicker.

CamiKaos said...

home maintenance and home maintenance are both very important things for all involved...

both the home and the "home"

maybe I shouldn't comment when I'm sleepy... in my head this was very entertaining but in the follow through... not so much.

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

So does the "poop talk" work when you need to have the "Home Maintenance" talk too? Let me know so I can get my hubby to start practicing his "poop-splanation of Home Maintenance"

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Poop happens.

dkuroiwa said...

I have an image of Stu "swirling" and honestly...it's totally giggle-worthy in a twisted kind of way.
Too funny......

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails