Recently, our 10-year old asked if we could please not use the word "sex" around him. Understand that we, his parents, do not typically go on and on about sex with our children; we happened at that point to be talking about the upcoming "Health & Hygiene" movie for 5th graders.
We asked which word he would prefer we use for a very natural part of life. Of course he rolled his eyes at that - MOM (said in two syllables & a sigh) - then mentioned some wacky phrase that his friend says instead of sex. I asked why he felt he couldn't stand to hear the real word, which brought on uncomfortable wiggles and fidgets so I offered an alternative I could live with: Voldemort. For the uninitiated (shame on you), Voldemort is the wizard who tries to kill Harry Potter; his power is diminished when people say his name aloud - so it would follow that using his name in place of s-e-x diminishes the weirdness of the word. At the very least, it sounds pretty hilarious in conversation and now we can actually discuss you-know-what without aggravation.
Today being Football Day in Bad Momland, the TV was rife with ads for a particular male-oriented dysfunction. Mason made a comment about how "weird" they are so I asked if he knew what the drug is for. He made a face and said "So old guys, like in their 50s, can, you know..." I told him it's not necessarily just for "old guys" (and 50s does not necessarily equal old) then asked (because I'm cruel), "And what do you mean by 'you know'?" More eye-rolling so I clarified, "You're right, though it's specifically to help if a man's penis is not working properly for...Voldemort." Which produced gales of laughter all around, then this from the boy:
"Mom. He would use his 'wand' for Voldemort."