Recently, our 10-year old asked if we could please not use the word "sex" around him. Understand that we, his parents, do not typically go on and on about sex with our children; we happened at that point to be talking about the upcoming "Health & Hygiene" movie for 5th graders.
We asked which word he would prefer we use for a very natural part of life. Of course he rolled his eyes at that - MOM (said in two syllables & a sigh) - then mentioned some wacky phrase that his friend says instead of sex. I asked why he felt he couldn't stand to hear the real word, which brought on uncomfortable wiggles and fidgets so I offered an alternative I could live with: Voldemort. For the uninitiated (shame on you), Voldemort is the wizard who tries to kill Harry Potter; his power is diminished when people say his name aloud - so it would follow that using his name in place of s-e-x diminishes the weirdness of the word. At the very least, it sounds pretty hilarious in conversation and now we can actually discuss you-know-what without aggravation.
Today being Football Day in Bad Momland, the TV was rife with ads for a particular male-oriented dysfunction. Mason made a comment about how "weird" they are so I asked if he knew what the drug is for. He made a face and said "So old guys, like in their 50s, can, you know..." I told him it's not necessarily just for "old guys" (and 50s does not necessarily equal old) then asked (because I'm cruel), "And what do you mean by 'you know'?" More eye-rolling so I clarified, "You're right, though it's specifically to help if a man's penis is not working properly for...Voldemort." Which produced gales of laughter all around, then this from the boy:
"Mom. He would use his 'wand' for Voldemort."
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21 comments:
well... he got your sense of "wand" waving humor! lol
mason is a total crack up.
wand. *snort*
Oh snap! He's quick, that one.
Hey, at least being all fidgety and weirded out doesn't dull his sense of humor : )
I should sit next to him in class. We could get in a lot of trouble together.
That has to be the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!! lol
I have my own version of your child, though mine is a female version. That which cannot be named...lol..."wand"! You guys are hilarious! Thanks for sharing it :)
Hee hee. I'm going to remember that Voldemort thing.
Now how are you going to ever have another serious conversation with him?
You: "I told you not to stay out that late. What do you need to be doing that late anyway?"
Kid: "We were just talking about Voldemort. But we weren't DOING Voldemort. I kept my wand in my pocket! I swear!"
You: ROFL
Ah it's always good when you can work a Harry Potter reference into situations like these. And now whenever I hear Voldemort, I won't be able to not think about sex, thanks a lot. I won't let my husband know about this or he'll have HP movies on every TV in the house.
Oh Mason. How we love thee.
Face it. The kid's brilliant. And funny.
stop him from growing up and getting older/mature!! when did all of this happen... he was just a little peanut sleeping in a crib... WTF (sorry)... time goes TOO fast!! I want my little people that liked to cuddle back!!! Not wise, "Voldemort" talking pre-teens!!! YIKES!!!
mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
and we all love those magic wands : )
I'm told Hitachi make a magic one . . .
IF I had a "wand"...I think I'd rather use it for Snape :-)
Gosh...I wonder where he gets that sense of humor from?!?!
Oh this is beautiful! I think you just made my diet coke come out my nose...
Oh my. Where to go with this... Some wands are more powerful than others, some are bigger than others and you can by some online and they'll ship them to you in plain brown paper.
OH...this is GOOD!
Hahaha! That made me laugh out loud!
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