Wednesday, October 15, 2008

gotta have friends

My best friend Jen & I joke, whenever one of us mentions going somewhere without the other, that we aren't allowed to make new friends. We are all we need! And it is definitely true, for me, that I have never had someone like her in my life - before she moved in across the street (how lucky am I??), I was still referring to the girls I went to high school with as 'my best friends.' I have had close colleagues wherever I've worked, neighbors I would invite to dinner occasionally or play Bunco with monthly, but until five years ago I had no girlfriend I trusted enough to share my shortcomings & insecurities with; no one to sit & drink tea with for hours.

Yet here we go, making new friends despite ourselves. The beauty of it is that we are so comfortable & confident that it is possible to branch out without weakening our relationship [I feel like I'm channeling Oprah; please forgive]. We've survived - and really, thrived - bringing Mama Milton into our circle; in fact, she is the swing vote to our opposite choices for president. (Never fear, I'm pretty sure Lisa will choose wisely...).

Tonight I met with a lovely, delightful woman who contacted me via PTA first about a legislative issue, but then remarked that she loved my blog and would like to have coffee with me. How fabulously cool and 1950s friendly is that? Except for the blog part, of course. As I've been getting immersed in the world of Mad Men, I find myself longing (again; I once desperately wished to be transported to Milwaukee circa Happy Days) to be living in a time of extreme etiquette, dress- & heel-wearing and getting hair & nails done every other day. As silly as it might seem, I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood partly because I want to go next door and borrow sugar. Getting in touch with someone to meet over coffee feels like a step in that direction; I almost wanted to put on a fresh outfit with hat & gloves.

I'm not looking for a return to smoking everywhere and talking around certain subjects, but making time to sit & chat with girlfriends, old & new, seems divine.

11 comments:

stu said...

I'd like some of that "Mad Men" office style to come back; drinking on the job and the secretary pool ;)

-Stu

brandy101 said...

I have a neighbor with whom I have gotten friendly over the years. OUr kids are in school together and we go to the same church (and complain about the same issues.)

I was thrilled that she asked me to meet at our local coffeeshop for a drink today while the kids are at school.

Via church, I also made another friend int he neighborhood and, though of different ages - she is about 15 yrs my senior - we end up talking for HOURS on end when we hang out for a cup of tea.

Having neighborhood friends RULES!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I knew a woman who just didn't believe in female friendships--she insisted her husband and kids were enough. I was so sad for her that she just didn't get it.

Lisa Milton said...

It was a grueling application process, but somehow I made the cut.

I was surprised to hit it off so well with a couple of best friends without all the sticky girl stuff making it feel weird or something.

(It's a post I have been meaning to write for some time now.)

It is a huge gift.

katydidnot said...

my best friend, first best friend as an adult, is moving to guam. who does that? how am i supposed to find another one?

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

I am with you! I love that idealism of that time! I miss sitting and chatting over coffee. My best friend/practically my sister and Ihave known each other since we were 10. I would be lost without her, yet we never seem to have enough time to catch up, me being a full-time mom and wife and she being a very busy tv reporter and politicians wife. **sigh**

Fantastic Forrest said...

It is just a tiny bit scary to reach out to a new person and admit that you'd like to be their friend. It's easier to disguise it by saying "I need to meet with you about some very important issue." Somehow it seems an imposition to ask someone to make time to "just" be friends when they have such crazy busy schedules juggling family, work, volunteerism and church....and their pre-existing friendships.

But taking the leap can yield great rewards. You're very cool, Stephanie, and I'm happy and honored you made the time.

With great affection,

Your new friend, the "lovely, delightful woman" ;-)

marathon mom said...

I could not agree more!

Since we aren't true neighbors, and have commitments until late in the day, we skip the coffee and go straight to wine in the evenings. Our friendship has made us all wise beyond our years.

And yes, none of us needs more friends. We are so brilliant and with it that we would be too intimidating (that's code for obnoxious).

phd in yogurtry said...

Hooray for you -- flush with friends. Good friends make even the bad parts of life worth living.

Moxy Jane said...

I love connecting with people...but go back and forth between "too much information" and just wanting someone to be real with. I think you're probably a great real life friend and your friends are damn lucky.

Danielle said...

That is awesome. I'm struggling with making new friends since moving to a new state. I think I'm pretty nice and outgoing. I need a 'do you want to be my friend' resume or something!

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