Sunday, July 29, 2007

off the wagon, moaning and bleeding

Hello, my name is Stephanie and I'm a shopaholic.
[Hi, Stephanie!]
I would be lying if I said I didn't expect things to turn out this way. I know who I am. I knew the moment my best friend, who hates shopping almost as much as I hate water sports, asked if I would go with her to the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, that I would be breaking The Compact. The sale started the day after we got back from Hawaii; she said she would be ready to go at 7am - would I? My heart raced. Yes! I would be! So what if I got into bed after midnight? I would be ready.

I told myself it would be my Jubilee Day, one time to buy with wild abandon like the American consumer I was born to be. Nevermind that I'd already had a Jubilee Day this year, when I temporarily lost my mind at GAP and Victoria's Secret last spring. That was different, I announced to my inner party pooper; I had coupons and I needed those things. It didn't really count.

We weren't able to go first thing on Friday because of a scheduling problem; I should have taken that as a sign to stay home. And my horoscope that morning actually read "Beware of making any impulse purchases today." But it just seemed too obvious to apply; it must mean something more symbolic. Like "Look before you leap" and "Don't put all your chickens in one bucket" or whatever - they don't really mean exactly what they say. So off we went to the mall at 3pm. I was giddy.

What I want to do right now is tell you all about the fantastic stuff I bought, and what great deals they were, but I know that's not the right thing to do. Like an alcoholic after a binge describing the smooth feel of the mochatinis in her mouth, I cannot talk about the soft ribbed knit of my new organic cotton sweaters and the fabulous businessy brown pinstriped pajama pants and...See! I'm so bad.

But I can't blame the whole trainwreck on my best friend, as much as I want to because she was the one who encouraged the pajama purchase (which included an adorable, soft-as-butter sand-colored hoody sweater so I can be warm AND fashionable with my laptop at 5am). I then deliberately took my GAP and Nordstrom credit cards to Portland last week when I dropped Mason off for his acting class. I had more coupons (damn you, bonus points!) and it was all tax-free but still, my children really did not need more socks and t-shirts. And a super cute pair of espadrilles that will fit Paige next summer...Stop it! Naughty naughty shopper.

On the positive side (there must be one, or else I would just wallow in guilt the rest of the summer. Though I would look stylish doing it...), I can pay for this spree with my final paycheck from teaching. Thank goodness for the crazy pay periods! Otherwise I would have to reconstruct that form I shredded...

Now I'm trying to figure out how to get back onto The Compact wagon, because I really do believe it's a more responsible way to live. It's just hard (I'm stamping my foot and frowning here). And I so like pretty clothes. New ones, with tiny gold safety pins holding leather tags...Somebody should slap me. Just don't make me bleed on my new Jag jeans.