freedom friday

1. Wine (can we call that food?) and deviled eggs -- the best food to take on a picnic.

2. Summer is only a handful of days away!

3. My toes just say no to flip flops.

4. To love someone is blissfully frightening. Or frighteningly blissful?

5. No more plans for a long hike.

6. When I crave food, it's usually something involving bread & cheese.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to vats of True Blood, tomorrow my plans include date night at Cirque Dreams, and Sunday I want to delight in a gathering of friends.

Fabulous Friday Fill-Ins

out & about

How I spent my rainy weekend.

This free photo slideshow created with Smilebox

sigh

In the words of my teenage students, Epic Fail.

I was *soclose* to posting every day this month; I still had a few amusing (to me) titles playing on the sound of the word 'may.'

Oh well.

I was so outrageously exhausted Saturday after my first day of walking around Portland (taking a class on Art & Architecture to complete my teaching certificate maintenance), I was incapable of lifting my body to attempt typing after dinner. Not to mention the only coherent thoughts running through my mind were "Must. sleep. So. sleepy. Sleep now."

Ditto Day 2.

I was out for 18 hours (8 a.m. - 5 p.m. each day) and walked 12.2 miles. In my rainboots and hastily-purchased-Friday-afternoon-for-$12.99-at-Goodwill unattractive-but-functional [I found out after 17 hours of downpour] raincoat.


The class was fun, despite the rain, and highly informative & interesting [slideshow coming soon]. I am hoping to use what I learned for teaching a Pacific NW history elective but in the meantime, I am planning to not move any of my muscles unnecessarily for a few more days.

may showers, good stuff & wet stuff

1. The impending weekend never fails to make me smile.

2. I'm looking forward to moving in to my new classroom!

3. Stereomood is what I'm listening to right now.

4. Potato salad must have haiku-ju-ju in it!

5. Crackers & Irish cheese was the best thing I ate today.

6. Today was a blessed challenge, like all the others.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the elementary school talent show, tomorrow my plans include a walking tour of Portland in the fricking rain, and Sunday I want to walk around Portland in the fricking rain some more, then sleep for 12 hours or so.

Friday Fill-ins just feel fine

maybe you missed...

I got a little behind the other day and I'm a little uninspired today and now I'm totally fulfilling the Writing Expert's prophecy of daily posting = Bullshit but whatever.

Please feel free to read Tuesday's post and remark as inspired.

Thank you for your support.

mania

Sometimes a mile wide
other days only an inch
Damn fickle ego

malevolence

Though I was once told by a so-called [self-appointed] Writing Expert that posting everyday is "Bullshit," I want to do it anyway. This is for yesterday; pretend you saw it then.

I entered midterm grades for my classes last night. Sometimes grading makes me feel grouchy - it can remind me of poorly designed and/or executed lessons, it can make me indignant about superbly designed and/or executed lessons that many students ignored or missed, it makes me want to tear my hair out about kids who choose to skip class [either physically or mentally] but mostly the grouchy comes from feeling sad & helpless about the kids who are at the mercy of their checked-out, hostile, and overall dysfunctional families. While I am a firmish believer that people can make their own choices and rise above nonsense in their lives, it is also clear that so many of our students - still children - have not been taught how to do that and when we try, it is scary and takes them a long time to get comfortable doing it. And once they get comfortable, someone might decide to sabotage those efforts.

When I enter grades - the failing ones and the succeeding ones - I am faced with the fact that too many parents just don't care about their children. The alert calls & e-mails are met with hostility toward me (Why can't I teach the kid? What do I expect them to do?), indifference, promises to punish, or silence. And when making the 'happy calls' letting them know how improved or plain brilliant their kids are, I'm crushed by those who are dubious and cynical and dismissive.

Nothing I do every day feels like bullshit, and I hate when someone tries to prove me wrong.

male call

Since everyone's clear on how much I love my actual husband, and we're all aware of my obsessive-compulsive behavior about collecting Potential Second Husbands and/or Fantasy Flings, I offer an addendum to my previous lists.

New darlings on my radar, for your pleasure:



The precious Sharlto Copley -
Newbie actor who blew me away with District 9,
now taking on the freaktastic role of Murdock in the new A-Team movie.

Beyond precious Matthew Goode -
Has somehow escaped my attention until Leap Year,
which was shamelessly predictable & manipulative yet irresistible. So...good(e).



Not much satisfies like a sexy funny guy,
a la Seth Meyers of SNL. Make me laugh...Or, something.

 

 

And my latest ridiculous crush, local musician Robin Jackson -
Not only talented but a hottie sweetheart in person and so far completely unfazed by my stalking.

 

Please, do share your latest finds in the male box...

maintenance

I am the worst kind of woman, according to Harry - high maintenance who thinks she's low maintenance. But really, I have been aware of this since first seeing the movie when I was 21 and just starting to officially date The Man Who Would Become My Husband, so does that let me off the hook some? I have a metacognition thing going on with myself - I sit down resolutely to do exactly what essential task I need to do and realize I should have tea. Which means I should clean the kitchen while water boils. Which means I should sweep while the tea steeps. Which leads me to realize we need a new broom. So I make a list of all the new things we need before I race off to Target, wait no, Goodwill first. Where I take a few minutes to "just look around" for some items that would be great for my classroom. Then I remember the essential task I need to finish, at home, and head back to get it done. But first, I should get dinner started (and luckily the kitchen is already clean)...

This Man Who Became My Husband knows that I must:

• Smell everything before I taste it
• Taste (therefore smell) anything he plans to eat or drink
• Insist he has a jacket when we go out
• Plan extensively, even if we don't actually end up doing anything I planned
• Use certain dishes for certain foods
• Have popcorn at the movie theater, even if I've just eaten a fulfilling meal minutes before
• Drink my Pepsi from a glass, with ice (preferably crushed)
• Wrap presents, even if they'll be opened within moments
• Sort laundry and load the dishwasher in a particular way
• Read while I brush my teeth
• Match undergarments, shoes, and glasses with outfits
• Stop at most garage sales
• Obsess over various secret boyfriends, for fun

And I love him so.

marry me

"...his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."

~ James Joyce, from Ulysses

_______________________

Happy 17th anniversary to the one who still makes me swoon...and Stu, too.

lovelovelove you

xoxox

making merry

1. I just had a grand 160 days of teaching.

2. What is, is.

3. The third sentence on the 7th page of the book I'm reading: "After putting down the telephone the eighty-two-year-old birthday boy sat for a long time looking at the pretty but meaningless flower whose name he did not yet know." [The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo]

4. A night out with my man tickles my fancy.

5. I was walking for a purpose, not for exercise.

6. The earnestness of teenagers makes me laugh (but in a kind & loving way)!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Wild Night #1 of anniversary celebration, tomorrow my plans include Wild Night #2 of anniversary celebration, and Sunday I want to rest.

Visit the merry merry Friday Fill-Ins page!

mea culpa

So I got excited about my generous man's offer to buy me a new laptop last week, even though I do have a soft spot for my ancient bestickered one, and it has been holding up fine despite its age. But then I was thrust to wits' end by the incessant, mind-numbing arguing between my husband and our preteen son; in a fit of desperation mixed with righteousness, I announced that ALL I wanted for Mother's Day was for the two of them to find a sensible way to stop the insanity. The middle school boy was properly terrified of his crazy mother chagrined, the grown-up boy took my offering of Love & Logic CDs, and I felt mostly better though a little melancholic for the laptop that might have been.

Now, I have found the perfect place to put any new stickers that won't fit on the old laptop - my fabulous garage sale rolling cart. And now, my dinosaur has started blinking intermittenly while the speakers, just as I've discovered the musical goodness of STEREOmood, are suddenly scratchy. All after I dramatically protested buying the shiny Mocha Digital Plaid beauty. But, I suppose if the father-son bickering is quelled, it's a reasonable trade.

Maybe I can have it for my birthday?

may flowers

bouquet for the one

who birthed beautiful children

good for man's karma

[thank you, darling husband]

mail call

I find few things in ordinary life more disappointing than a mailbox full of nothing worthwhile. It's worse than an empty mailbox, frankly - at least then I can pretend the mail has not yet come, or the postal workers fell behind and didn't get my stuff together in time for the truck today.

This afternoon there was a small promising pile of letters in my box that I pulled out expectantly, but by the time I crossed the street to my house it was clear not a single item was remotely useful or even interesting (sometimes I get a Nordstrom catalog full of crazy things like $395 lime green watches but at least I can use that for a collage, or short fiction about insane people). Everything today was so uninspiring that I cannot even come up with amusing ways to make fun for this post.

I think my need for Mail of Substance comes from my childhood. When I was growing up in the boonies on Whidbey Island, our mailbox was at the end of a winding gravel driveway and across the road, so checking the mail was something of a production - shoes were required for sure, usually a jacket because we were only a mile from chilly Puget Sound, sometimes gloves. If I got out there and found nothing or worse, it felt like wasted energy. (Maybe my anti-exercise stance started here, too). Sometimes I was surprised & sated with a glimpse of rabbits or deer hiding in the woods behind the mailbox or a family of nervous quail skittering across the road, but usually I sullenly kicked rocks all the way back to the house with my handful of boring bills.

One would think that with this kind of outlook, I would be better at sending cards & letters to brighten other people's mailboxes. I wish. As my OCD has worsened, I get stuck at the start - I find something perfect for someone but then don't have an address or I need different stationery or must find time to decorate the envelope/box just right or need to buy stamps or have to go the post office or...ack.

A resolution for the summer: Set up a simple, accessible, no-obsessing-allowed mailing station and plan a weekly trip to the post office so I can/will send fun, worthwhile notes & parcels to my favorite people. That could be you; watch your mailbox.

make mine moody

I am, unfortunately, serious when I say that my premenopausal? Sorry, Jenn! mood swings are intensifying. The end of the school year often does this to me - summer so close yet so far, stir crazy underclassmen, seniors who no longer feel the need to learn things and/or follow rules - and I am also in the midst of recertification, which requires a head-pounding amount of organization & paperwork. And I wish the rain would stop finally, for the love of God; even a native Pacific Northwesterner like me is done with the gray for awhile.

So I have joyously discovered a new plaything [a sure sign that I have a million more important things to do, of course]:

At STEREOmood you can pick an emotion or activity and they will generate a playlist of appropriate songs. I love the variety and, unlike some other random music websites, it displays what songs are coming next and you can create your own playlists from what they've chosen. I am suddenly far hipper after just 30 minutes of listening to homework.

Rock on.

P.S. I have not been compensated in any way for this endorsement. I'm just a satisfied listener.

mother may i?

I wrote this for our church youth group a few years ago to demonstrate how much their mothers loved them, even as they entered adolescence.

Things I gave up (for awhile) to be a Mom:
Going to the movies at the last minute
Waiting until dinnertime to figure out what to make
Watching commercial TV between 7 am & 7 pm
Long, warm, relaxing baths
Spending an entire Saturday going to garage sales
Reading a grown-up book during daylight hours
Dogs
Three rooms in our house
Sleeping in
Sleeping through the night
A paid teaching job
The backseat of my car
A consistently clean & orderly house
Dry-clean-only clothes
Privacy
Leisurely dining in a restaurant
Sick days
A modeling career*
Weekends in Vegas*
A life of crime*

*sarcasm

Things I’ve learned since becoming a Mom:
Never pass up an opportunity to nap
My right hand is actually functional
Your own child’s barf is not so gross
Babies can exhaust a jumbo pack of diapers in one day
Diapers are expensive
How to power-clean the house quickly
The mall is a torture chamber
What I do means more than what I say
A well-timed snack can do wonders
Accept only the first appointment of the day when scheduling picture-taking
Which businesses offer drive-through service, free food samples, & kid-friendly carts
Always have on hand stickers, lip balm, washable ink pen, and a lump of clay
Ice cream is a legitimate breakfast food
Kids will repeat anything that comes out of your mouth
Nothing I gave up is worth as much as being a mom

Me with my little sister and mom, 1984
Though I know she would be aghast,
I love my mom's tired look in this picture;
it's so authentic. And I totally get it now.

~ Happy Mothers Day to everyone who has taken on the job ~

maven

I bargain, therefore I am.


Today's treasures: Vintage wicker hamper (found at antique store, 15% off = $18); ubiquitous (but strangely missing from my classroom decor until now) Sunflowers print; Anne Lamott's Grace (Eventually) (brand new hardcover, $1); IKEA mirror painted sky blue; rolling file box (also brand new, $5); wooden tray; ceramic plaque that says "you rule" that I might have to keep for myself as affirmation at the end of every school day; 4 sturdy plastic bowls for camping [which I do twice a year, maybe, but still want good cute bowls if I must go]; wrought iron napkin holder with package of "It's 5 o'clock somewhere" cocktail napkins; handmade pillow that will be loved in my classroom.

A better view of the hamper's marbleized top. Where I'm sure I'll frequently find this damn cat if I don't keep our closet door closed.

This is my favorite way to do Saturdays.

merriment

1. Salsa and tango and mambo, oh my.

2. It's Friday and you've even got mustard [I don't know what that's supposed to mean; I'm going with stream-of-consciousness here].

3. By the time I get home I'm ready to rock. Wherein "rock" means drink some wine & watch some Deadwood.

4. Previously, Grocery Boy; now, free samples. And sometimes Dairy/Freezer Guy is what I look forward to most when grocery shopping.

5. And I was dreaming of all kinds of wacky naughty unmentionable things. Did I say that out loud?

6. Date night with my man, who doesn’t blink when I reveal secret boyfriends and potential second husbands...is there anything else better?!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to possibly squeezing in a movie with BestHusbandEver while kids are with friends, tomorrow my plans include garage sale shopping, plant sale browsing, two tea parties, and a funky opera, and Sunday I want to continue relishing the mom-love!

Friday Fill-Ins, recommended by mothers everywhere

major love

My cyberfriend & fellow bargain stalker/crafty mama [though she's far far craftier than I, which is why I purchase her stuff for my classroom]/English teacher/wordsmith Very Mary and her friend Jen have set up a website to raise money for a fellow blogger/crafter who is at the moment facing treatment for kidney cancer.

You can read the back story and details at Maggie Grace Creates and healing maggie grace.

You can get in on the next couple of raffles for delightful, delectable donated goodies.

You can give straight-up cash that's been languishing in your pocket.

But what you really want to do is feel the love flowing between these three gracious women and the rest of cyberspace ~ it's magic, kismet, ju-ju, faith, karma, grace. Being in its presence feels so good.

maelstrom

shouting at all hours

arguers plague my being

steam bursting from ears

maybe not

Things I don't regret not doing in my life:

Buying a Pet Rock

Trying out for cheerleading in high school

Taking math my senior year

Smoking

Following my thirtysomething dream of being an advertising exec

Wearing gauchos more often

Becoming an elementary teacher [God bless you guys!]

Loving tequila

Having a one-night stand

Figuring out how to put on lipstick

Giving up on a certain supercute noncommittal freshman when I was a junior cougar Cougar

Forgoing a modern Mocha Digital Plaid beauty in exchange for my beloved pimped-out dinosaur laptop*

*Right? I won't regret making the trade, letting go of the stickerliciousness?
I might need a little therapy on this one.

maybe

In the spirit of optimism and looking UP (a la May's nablopomo theme), I am creating & sharing a list of things that I feel strongly might just happen in the last - who knows how many? - 29 days before school is out for summer:

1. I can joyfully arise for a bit of early morning yoga while everyone else is still sleeping.
2. I can not hate my family for still sleeping in their warm cozy beds while I curse at my smug little animated Wii balance board.
3. I will have lessons planned many days in advance. [Not that I don't already usually do this, of course. Hi, Amy, best principal ever!]
4. Students might sometimes sort of enjoy doing the lessons I have planned, and even learn things.
5. I will keep learning things from my students [things that don't burn my ears and make me have to scrub my brain with mental steel wool].
6. My house will remain in its current state of not-trashed/marginally clean & organized.
7. I will finish the last couple of classes needed to maintain my teaching certificate (without incurring an aneurysm).
8. I will find all the necessary paperwork to prove I've finished all the classes needed to maintain my teaching certificate.
9. I'll find ample time to fit in Happy Hour gatherings with all of my favorite people.
10. My blog will become massively popular, particularly with the likes of Mark Wahlberg, Bradley Cooper, and/or Joseph Fiennes, who will insist on personally visiting/massaging the hilariously insightful Bad Mom. Often.

Too much?

may i have this dance?

Our Renegades held their first prom last weekend, which the students planned & delivered with little intervention from us old people teachers. We were so proud of them - they were working with a shoestring budget and secondhand facility but creatively rounded up volunteers, supplies, and services, providing a memorable Night of Dreams for 70 attendees.


Everything's better with glitter

Slam dunk decor

Our resident Kurt loves all things bargain couture - he rivals me at finding amazing treasures at thrift & antique stores. He announced he would be wearing a 'vintage' tux, which my colleague & I envisioned as something out of Guys and Dolls.
He arrived instead in Miami Vice chic, circa 1989. Loved it.

The best part for us is that our kids truly reveled in putting this event together, not worrying about the fact that the "regular" high school held their prom at the Portland Art Museum and that most of those students bought high-end dresses, rented limousines, and ate extravagant dinners beforehand. We loved watching our Renegades use their resources as best they could (student & principal-shared outfits, teacher-produced tickets, parent-provided snacks & punch, counselor-donated photography + DJ, advisor-procured Farmers Market flowers), keeping the cost at $5 per person and enjoying every minute.

mayday, mayhem, may i try again?

I need to write every day. I want to write every day. I need you to want me to write every day. Things feel especially difficult to balance lately and I'm not sure why *cough*premenopause*cough*, but May's nablopomo theme is "look up" so that's what I'm doing.

Good stuff in my world that I haven't blogged about but totally should have:

1. Disneyland!
2. Visiting with amazing, lovely SoCal bloggers & good friend from elementary school at Disneyland
3. Visiting with best guy friend from high school & his beautiful family at Disneyland
4. Visiting with best girlfriend from high school (not at Disneyland but still fantastic)
5. My school's first prom - complete with streamers & shiny stars and without spiked punch, freak dancing, sex in bathrooms, or other potential teen horrors
6. Recovery, rehabilitation, and return to school of our injured student
7. Getting poetry students to recite for other classes on Poem in Your Pocket Day
8. Fitting into cute shoes again
9. Regularly going out to 80s Video Dance Attack night (and actually dancing)
10. Winning Audience Haiku at LiveWire! [and being hailed as having "excellent penmanship" - a lifelong aspiration]

So be prepared for some pretty exciting UPlifting posts this month, people. And thanks for hanging around.