the role of the bff

My best friend Jen is not a blogger nor does she subscribe to my worship appreciation of Whole [Paycheck] Foods. She unabashedly shops at The Store That Shall Not Be Named, regularly mocks my OCD tendencies, and refuses to watch brilliant movies if they have unhappy endings.

But despite all those faults and even though she calls my Grocery Store Hottie "an infant," Jen was my wing woman this afternoon as I foolishly attempted once again to elicit something resembling chat from him. The sun was shining, my hair looked good, I was wearing my awesome Esprit ($6.99 via Goodwill!) camouflage pants, and was a little giddy from all that Relay for Life walking; I got into his line with high hopes.

I think it helped that a better (and also cute but not hot) conversationalist was bagging my goods, but Jen & I were on a roll that the Hottie could not escape. Frankly, I think a few of our very witty remarks went over his head (sigh) but in the end there was banter and laughing and goodness. I'm pretty sure angels were singing.

Plus I scored an oatmeal carmelita.

on the ball

I have no idea what that cliche "On the ball" literally means (it sounds like a difficult maneuver, and faintly related to exercise; not sure I like that). But figuratively, I'm there. Allow me to outline my stellar day so far:

• Out of bed by 9:10 a.m.
• Load of clothes in the dryer
• Face washed and Mint Julep-masked [though it said 15 minutes and I've had it on for 84]
• Blogs read & commented on
• Dagoba Xocolatl chocolate bar for breakfast
• Blog business card created & ordered from VistaPrint

Notice no shower, laundry washed, or interaction with husband & children (in fact, two of them left the house and I'm not sure where the other is right now).

Listen, I'm walking in the Relay for Life this afternoon - that is physical activity, people. I have got to conserve energy early in order to manage that. I'm in training.

I see a nap, movie, and possibly cocktails in my future.

what not to watch

So after much ado about must-see-TV, I still haven't made an official decision for this summer's viewing (Stu is clamoring for "Deadwood," presumably because it's free to us and doesn't feature half a dozen hotties; we'll see).

I have, however, decided what I will not be watching:

This nonsense & this train wreck. Oh, E! Are you that desperate? Do you think your viewers are complete morons? Sigh. It will be weird when "The Soup" is panning all of its network's own shows...

Time for a little Joel to clear the senses.

"Come with me. There will be no Denise or Lohan where we're going..."

of reading and thinking and such

It's that time of the week - the good time that I look forward to because of Friday Fill-Ins. *Exhaling*

1. For me, giving up is the opposite of creativity.

2. gods in Alabama was the last excellent book I read.

3. I like fill-ins because they make me think harder.

4. In nature I like looking at 1) the male of our species and 2) things moving in the breeze.

5. Someone smart & thoughtful should win the US elections.

6. The last time I laughed with all my belly was after hearing the sausage joke.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to silence & stillness, tomorrow my plans include walking in Relay for Life, and Sunday, I want to enjoy the meeting/party with PTA!

bacon's buff cousin

In the continued spirit of idiocy whacky randomness, I am going to share a couple of things I've found supremely amusing lately.

First, the game "Sausage." It is especially perfect for boys ages 5-75, teachers of grades K-7 (after that it devolves into something disturbing, trust me), and fun-loving moms (particularly moms who are dealing with bickering kids). To play, simply ask each other questions like "What is your favorite color?" or "What's your dad's name?" or "Where are you going for vacation?" The response is always "Sausage." But it must be said without laughing, which of course makes it all more hilarious. Try it. (Be warned - it's addicting. And you might not be able to order breakfast without chuckling a little).

And a recently discovered joke:

Two sausages were lying in a frying pan. One said, "It sure is getting hot in here." And the other said, "OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS! A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

May I just say I laughed until I cried when Mason read that one to me. I hope it brings you the same kind of joy.

So, what are you going to read next? [Sausage]

readers who rock

You guys are freakin' amazing. And here I thought I would lose people because I'm moaning about what TV to watch this summer. But clearly I'm not alone in this train of thought. Here are some responses to what has been said so far:

"Weeds" was suggested by many (the most surprising, frankly, being Jenn who I previously believed might be scandalized by the show) but, like my bff Lisa said, my everyday school life is infected with this theme and I want to get away from the pot-talk [not to be confused with potty talk] for awhile.

Speaking of potty talk, I have indeed heard "Deadwood" is full of profanity (I especially love that my baby sister is warning me, the almost-40 alternative high school teacher who has been known to turn a foul phrase now & then). But I can handle it for the 'boys of the wild West. This remains a contender.

Still loving the idea of "Northern Exposure" with all its [pretend - I actually ate lunch at the cafe in Roslyn] Alaskan wintery-ness in the midst of summer. It was just so delightful.

I entertained "Six Feet Under" for a minute but am not sure facing death everyday is something I look forward to this summer. Will ponder.

"Dexter" definitely intrigues, even though it also revolves around killing & death and stuff. Pondering.

Something about "The Gilmore Girls" just never clicked with me; no matter what I saw or read in People and US, I did not care. I probably have a defect; sorry Girl Next Door & daughter.

Same with "The X-Files" - a few episodes were interesting but I never fell in love with Scully or Mulder (in fact, I had to look up their names on Wikipedia and wasn't even sure which was which; please don't hate).

I can't believe I forgot about "The Sopranos." Definitely high on the list thanks to my goombahs Brandy and Lisa.

And, hello?? The series produced by my favorite Second Husband and starring many, many hot young men - how did I leave out "Entourage"? There is something wrong with me; thank you, DoggyDidIt. We might have a winner.
___________________________

So how horrible a wife/mom/teacher would I be to pick, say, two or three series to watch during my break? Hmmm. I kind of hate myself for spending this much time even talking about it. Tune in next time...

big ideas; requires a poll

Apropos of nothing (other than the mind-numbing business of counting down days until school is out), I have decided that I want to watch an entire series of something this summer. For a daily brain candy-indulgence, social & cultural enlightenment, and also a twisted sense of accomplishment.

I thought about "Sex and the City" because who doesn't want to be on that outrageous, glamorous bandwagon? But the answer is 'me.' I think I would just depress myself, coming to obvious terms with my lack of outrageous glamorousness.

So here are my top choices [I'm selecting just one series, because I truly do not want to be glued to the TV all day for two & a half months; just every weeknight]:

• "Northern Exposure" - Part of the "Sex..." appeal was the appearance of adorable Cicely DJ Chris


• "Angel" - Love "Buffy," it seems I should see the rest of the story (nothing to do with James Marsters as Spike of course)


• "Deadwood" - I do love those cowboys...


• "Oz" - It got so much buzz for being gritty & real; I might be feeling gritty this summer

So please exercise your right to vote on this very important issue (and there is always the write-in option, in case I've grossly ignored something extraordinary). You can use the official poll in the sidebar or just leave a comment. I love comments.

I appreciate your indulgence, and your patience with my vapid demeanor of late. [13 days]

look, over there

I have a little list of good things [Martha, don't sue me; I've got nothing but new shoes that you wouldn't like anyway] over at the A-Lister blog.

Enjoy.

away

Whenever I visit my childhood home, something peculiar happens to the grown-up me.

This time, I've managed to not lose my mind completely (only been here about 30 hours though). Nor have I had any tension headaches or clenched jaw moments. I have, however, fallen into that I just want to lie down and sleep feeling. Which makes for crappy blogging, as you can attest to at this very moment.

And that, I believe, calls for a cute boy picture to make things all better.

I prefer to fantasize think about him more as The Namesake than Kumar, for the most part. Not that I've put a lot of thought into it or anything.

love note

Today I drove billions hundreds of miles to visit my parents & sister here:

This is where I grew up and someday I will tell stories about that, but right now I have to reassure my darling husband that I do, indeed, love him. Because I forgot to leave little messages around the house like I usually do when I go away. Because I was working myself into a MUST GET ON THE ROAD frenzy of packing snacks and drinks and pillows and GameBoys and oh, children. Only to stop .25 miles away at Chevron to give a pint of blood and Starbucks to sell the rest of my blood.

ANYWAY.

To the best husband in the universe, I give you my heart and then some. I love you love you love you. And thank you for putting in my new bath tub.

photo courtesy of this great place

a lazy day like today maybe?

1. On my laziest day I like to nap often, read trashy magazines, watch E! and eat New York Super Fudge Chunk from the container.

2. Staying in motion makes me feel like I'm being productive.

3. I love little obligations and big bargains.

4. This summer I want to delight in every moment.

5. Cabin fever during snow days made me start my blog.

6. Red is fiery hot and orange is juicy retro.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to girlfriend time, tomorrow my plans include driving 3#&%*($)! miles to visit my parents, and Sunday, I want to scour garage sales with my mom!

Oh Friday Fill-Ins, how I love thee.

gosling love

On my way home from school today, I did not see multiples of this:

Alas, if only.

But rather a gaggle of these adorably gawky maize-colored babies, crossing to the lake with their mom. I had a strong physical impulse to pull over and pet them but a) there is no good shoulder for pulling over safely and b) the woman directly behind me [read: Might as well have been in my backseat yelling "DRIVE FASTER ON THIS DANGEROUSLY CURVY BACK ROAD!"] would have crashed into me and probably wiped out the little family of geese, too. All badness. Surely resulting in worse karma than me not putting a quarter in the newspaper box.

nerdy suburban mom seeks edgy tattoo design

Now that I have committed myself to inking up this summer in Amsterdam (after telling not only my husband and best friends but also 150 teenagers, there is no backing down), I'm busy trying to figure out what I want drawn onto my skin forever.

I know I don't want anything cutesy sweet - that seems just plain silly unless it has a fascinating story behind it and even then I would feel compelled to tell everyone my fascinating story which, eventually, would not sound so fascinating after all.

Words could be cool - I've entertained "Carpe Diem" since it was the subject of my speech to the seniors last year and [most days] I sincerely try to embrace the philosophy. If I go with this, I then have to decide what kind of font would be most awesome FOREVER. Cursive? Too girly. Lower case? Too casual. Calligraphy? Too hard to read (back to the explaining thing). Argh.

I also thought about an Escher drawing - he's Dutch like me, I'll be in Holland, and I love the intricacy of his work. But I don't think I can sit still long enough for this baby.

The woman who does my hair (oh, I told her, too) said the one thing she immediately thought of for me was a book. I like it. Reading has always been a passion - I used to read by passing streetlights in the backseat on road trips; I take or seek out books & magazines everywhere we go (including our honeymoon); I read while brushing my teeth or eating lunch or waiting at traffic lights. But it seems no one else in the history of tattooing has considered such a design. I have entered all of these search terms: book tattoo, book tattoo design, edgy book tattoo, edgy book tatoo design, stack books tattoo, cool book tattoo. To no avail. There are lots of books available showing tattoos, and many people with tattoos of comic book characters & Children of Men book covers.

Really? Am I seriously that geeky? Please feel free to submit your best ideas. They can't possibly be any worse than some of my students' suggestions - A dragon! A pot leaf! Flames would be cool! Apparently I'm teaching Beavis & Butthead's children.

english major humor

Man, I laughed out loud. It's okay if you need Dictionary.com; go then come back to chuckle with me. (I love the giant bows, too). *sigh* Good times.

Thank you, Mrs. Chili, for leading me to yet another delightful diversion from all things I should be doing...

expecting bad karma any minute now

Portland, Oregon

photo by the cursed, May 2008

Wordless Wednesday is upon us.
Deposit a comment or suffer curse.

let them eat...whatever

I'm pretty sure that when one is baking a cake as a loving [very belated birthday] surprise for one's husband, one should not get inordinately angry about clogged beaters, globs of butter, spattering milk, and quite unsmooth and unshiny batter. I believe I muttered FUCK in my mind at least 25 times in the ten minutes it took to whisk up this masterpiece:

We're going to eat it anyway, by God. And it will be good.

glad moon rising

Usually I am supremely wary of the full moon. People tend to be in peculiar moods and by "people" I mean everyone but me.

Yet I faced the day, even substituting for the teacher who uses my classroom first period (meaning I had to get out of bed and be at school at least 45 minutes earlier).

I wore a new skirt confidently, not even minding the stark surprise in a student's tone when she said "You look so pretty today!"

I boldly required Leadership groups to present their projects to the class - and there was no balking. There was even, dare I say it, introspection.

My room actually has air conditioning that works, I found out today.

Stu took the kids to Science & Math Night while I stayed home and cleaned like a lunatic. [Do lunatics really clean stuff? That seems very unlikely] Laundry sorted and half finished; basketfull of lingering clean clothes folded and put away; kitchen counters cleaned; dishes in sink washed, dishwasher loaded; items dusted; floors swept; random bits of this & that put here & there [where they're supposed to go].

And while I was home growing pleased with myself, a former neighbor called to ask if her daughter could stay at our house for the night. I haven't seen the girl in five years - she was 13 when they moved far away - and now she's going to the community college in town; something uncomfortable is going down at her current residence and she needed to get away temporarily. Not only am I glad to help out, it's a joy to see her again as a grown-up young woman. And rewarding, too - I used to tutor her in math and now she tutors kids.

SHINE on, O moon of summer.
Shine to the leaves of grass, catalpa and oak,
All silver under your rain to-night.
An Italian boy is sending songs to you to-night from an accordion.
A Polish boy is out with his best girl; they marry next month; to-night they are throwing you kisses.
An old man next door is dreaming over a sheen that sits in a cherry tree in his back yard.
The clocks say I must go--I stay here sitting on the back porch drinking white thoughts you rain down.
Shine on, O moon,
Shake out more and more silver changes.
~ Carl Sandburg, "Backyard"

portlandish behavior

Stu drove us in the Cobra because - surprise! - it was sunny this weekend.

I know most of the United States understands that it's almost summer, but the Pacific Northwest has always been a bit rebellious about the seasons.

Over the river and across the bridge(s)

into Portland we went.

Here is a couch in our hotel room that we never used but isn't it super cute?!

Adorable kitchenette, also never used.

But I looked through all the cupboards anyway and kind of wished I felt like baking something.

It was really hot and we had to walk a bunch of blocks to our massage.

But we stopped on the way back for iced coffee & a crepe with bacon.
Everything's better with bacon.

There was a garage sale RIGHT NEXT TO OUR HOTEL!

I got a stack of Thrasher magazines [FOR FREE!] for my boy students and a cornucopia of Sharpies in every color.

Stu had to hold all the Thrasher magazines, and wait in the sun.

We changed into our very fancy "going out" clothes to hit as many Happy Hours as humanly possible. (Only two, as it turns out).

Then this morning? The angels sang.

Seriously, there was some kind of "Hallelujah" music playing when we went into the store.

My cupcake was like a piece of heaven.

And there was much rejoicing.

ocd vs. carefree fun

I think the painful crick in my neck is a result of me carefully avoiding looking directly at the abject slovenliness all around our home. This is the real reason I'm counting the days until summer - frankly, I can handle the everyday nuttiness of teenagers far more gracefully than the reality that my house is becoming a pit of despair. Day 1 of summer vacation = Operation Organization. (Okay, that's Day 2. Day 1 is lunch and/or mayhem with local blogging friends).

I know, feminist-NOW-hear me roar friends, the man in my life is capable of helping out. But the truth is, I would rather he didn't enter my domain because I have particular ways of doing the things I do. And if someone tries to lend a hand, I must try to explain those particular ways and then I just sound CRAZY. It makes perfect sense to me, even if I get a little grouchy when I can't get everything done just so.

All this to say, I am giddy with joy that in three hours our kids are going to be whisked away by their grandpa. Stu & I are going to Portland for the day (and night!), and I am going to try my hardest to NOT think about the house or school or anything mundane the entire time. I hope I don't bust a blood vessel.

fascinating or frightening?

I swear, this is the horoscope that popped up for me this morning (highlights mine, because they are so funny/scary):
________________

There is going to be a deep, true value in every exchange you have today, whether it's a brief conversation with someone at the checkout line or a long meeting with the influential people at work. Something that's said will change your life. You'll get even more value out of these talks if you expose your real self right away. There is no need to hide what you really think or wait for someone else to introduce a topic so that you will have permission to do so.
________________

Discuss.

of bacon and other great things

1. There is absolutely NO way you can get me to give up bacon. Or run without threat of capture.

2. The strange combination of stress & apathy in my students reminds me that summer is almost here!

3. I cannot live without my family. And a computer. And dark chocolate. What?

4. Getting a tattoo and not fainting during the procedure are two things I'd like to try.

5. When life hands you lemons, start juggling.

6. Hanging out with my grandpa in his shop is my favorite childhood memory.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Paige's jump rope performance at the Talent Show, tomorrow my plans include all-day dating with my man and Sunday, I want to enjoy the last drop of the sunshine!

Thank God it's Friday Fill-Ins.

grocery store smackdown imminent

I realize posting this on my wedding anniversary may seem a tad tacky, but it is what it is. (In other words, tacky).

To begin with, I have not taken my own advice and gone through other not hot checkers' aisles at my grocery store. I'm giving my [not so] secret crush one hundred a few more chances. So, this evening I ran in for some very important food items and as we were having an intimate moment finishing our depressingly chaste checker/customer exchange, this happened behind me:

Woman my age [not old] talking to her preschool daughter in the cart: Okay, honey, put the things on the counter. Why are you being so shy? Did you say "Because he's so handsome?" Heehee.

Oh yes she did.

So I flashed him.


Alright, I did not. I also did not raise my eyebrow menacingly at her (I'm pretty sure). Though I surely emanated wrath in her general direction.

But I did quickly deposit our groceries in the car before running back into the store to grab the Willamette Week, to show what an edgy suburban mom I am. An edgy suburban mom willing to take down her competition. Bring it, girlfriend.

important stuff

On this day in history:

• 1602 - Cape Cod was discovered by English navigator Bartholomew Gosnold
• 1862 - U.S. Department of Agriculture was created by an act of Congress
• 1902 - Chicago mayor Richard Daley was born
• 1940 - Nylon stockings went on general sale for the first time in the United States
• 1969 - Former Dallas Cowboy running back Emmitt Smith was born
• 1981 - Len Barker of the Cleveland Indians pitched a perfect game in a 3-0 victory over the Toronto Blue Jays
• 1993 - Stephanie Goen married Stuart Spencer

And they are living happily ever after.

blessings, i got em!

At A-Lister, for your enjoyment. Thanks for sharing the bits of joy I'm plucking from thin air.

basic camouflage

posing by Mason; photo by Mom, 2008



Report to Wordless Wednesday on the double, soldier.

today is beige

Nothing quite says "I feel blah" like a uniform of off-white jeans and oatmeal-colored sweater. That is what called my name from the closet this morning. I tried to jazz it up a bit with my butterfly-bottle cap necklace but I think I still resembled a boring old Popsicle stick.

I feel terrible about the fact that every morning I stay in bed as long as possible, counting the minutes hours days until summer begins. It's like saying "I can't wait for..." over & over again; we miss good little things when we do that too much. And it's kind of insulting to the ones we're with in the here & now.

From now until June 13 (32 real days, 21 school days), I will be writing a daily blessings list over at A-Lister. Because if I don't, I just might go from beige blandness to ScaryTeacherGothBlack.

Emily the Strange image courtesy of GoodSearch

out of sorts, off my game

Today was blech. I don't know how else to say it, and I certainly couldn't figure out what to do about it.

How did I hate it? Let me count the ways:

1. Jabba the Hutt-like pile of sheets & towels lurking in our bedroom corner
2. Left students' work to be entered for progress reports at home this morning
3. Dumb DJ talk & ads on the radio all the way to work
4. None of my car CDs made my heart sing
5. Forgot to bring lunch
6. Horrible burning/dead creature smell in the downstairs hallway at school
7. Most of the students with missing work spent entire class periods continuing to do nothing
8. Grocery store hottie still completely bad at delightful small talk
9. Forgot to bring receipts for reimbursement to PTA meeting
10. No time to talk with my good friend after PTA meeting
11. No interesting or engaging lesson plans are leaping from my brain

Good stuff (or, me being a Ray of F*cking Sunshine):

1. Stu washed all of those sheets & towels for me this weekend
2. I don't have to actually enter grades until Wednesday (really not until Thursday, but I'm tricking my mind so I'm not up until 3 am again; shhhhh)
3. Kept my finger busy trying to find a suitable station
4. I forgot about the Juno soundtrack; am smiling now thinking about it
5. Chicken stew still in teacher's lounge fridge, and edible
6. Stench was gone before I got a debilitating headache
7. Repeated my Love & Logic mantra [Not my problem, Not my problem] and proceeded to not strangle any students
8. He's still nice to look at; I'll just stop torturing myself and go through someone else's line from now on
9. Tomorrow is another day to track down the Treasurer
10. Will corral Lisa later this week for tea & chatting
11. God is good; I'll pray harder

Hey, Happy Monday!

some great reward

Paige brought me "breakfast" in bed - she knows my carboholic tendencies.

(I ate one of the gummi vitamins before I took the picture; she did give me the recommended daily allowance [for 4-12 year olds])

Mason is hip to my love languages ~ Acts of Service combined with Receiving Gifts.

(Although I can't remember ever requesting a pillow fight...)

These people make my world rock.

Thanks, gang o' mine.

creative minds gone awry

Thanks, Miss Burrows & Toonlet, for helping me waste my entire afternoon. [Stu is just glad I'm not out grocery shopping].

super saturday

The girl goes for short & sassy. Well, short. She's always been pretty sassy.

The boy makes another hot date.

Awesome haul from a church rummage sale (all of the above, plus another bag of books & bunch of clothes!) - $10 for everything [except the Cuervo Margarita mix; that's just my hauling box]

The coolest Bad Mom tee ever. I might wear it every Saturday.

rollercoaster week

Here is a sampling of the amusement park that is my career. (Did anyone know it was Teacher Appreciation Week, by the way? Just checking).

Monday: Returned to school after having a substitute on Friday (PTA wild weekend, remember?). Tone of the sub notes was agitated, to say the least. I had left an assignment for groups to create the "Perfect School." One looked something like this:

Sigh. So I had to have a discussion about what people tend to think of our school and how we would rather have them see us and this kind of behavior is counterproductive...blah blah blah. Oh yeah, and this was my LEADERSHIP CLASS.

Tuesday: I threw together a little activity for one class called "Find Someone" in which they had to match people in the room to statements like "Has more than 2 siblings" or "Been to a foreign country" or "Eats breakfast regularly." I expected many groans because We don't WANT to get up and walk AROUND and TALK to everyONE! (say that in a kind of exasperated whiny voice for the full effect). But. I didn't even have to tell them to move, they seemed to enjoy getting to know about each other, AND they [expectantly, excitedly] asked a different teacher later if she was going to play the same game. Wow.

Wednesday: A bunch of boys who usually gripe about every. single. fricking. thing in the universe actually joked around with me (when one finished an assignment during class and asked me to check it, I took it and drolly said "And then she fainted from shock." He didn't grimace or anything). Then they started asking very smart questions about God and I tried answering with the "Some people believe..." beginning but they really wanted to know what I think and I had to explain that I'm not allowed to go there in public school. That was a bummer because HELLO? Teenagers wanting to have a conversation?

Thursday: Started showing Good Morning, Vietnam to the Leadership class as an example of what happens when someone leads by being unconventional and contrary. Lots of dubious looks and complaints - this movie is really old, it looks dumb, I don't like Robin Williams. All my will power went to not shouting SHUT IT! (By the way, one of my more astute students remarked this week that he bets I'm going to explode someday because I'm always so calm & patient with the jackasses slightly disrespectful kids in class. I chuckled tensely). However, they were pleasantly surprised by how interesting it was and I tried not to be smug.

Friday: Those usually griping boys? Two of the four were in a particularly pissy mood, going as far as to try arguing about how all Vietnam movies are the same, and dumb. What, really? That's the best you've got for rebellion? And then. I received two posters signed by dozens of students telling me how much they like me & my classes; one of the signers is a frequent [vocal but not too mean] critic of my tendency to make a short story long - he wrote "I hope you're here to help next year's seniors." I was pretty sure he would be telling everyone to avoid my courses by any means necessary. My heart was warmed.

So apparently, yes, someone did know it was Teacher Appreciation Week. And I do feel appreciated, if also a tad emotionally drained.

keys to a healthy marriage

IM in the afternoon

stu says:
we can watch lost and survivor tonight

stephanie says:
ah, and there's wine. AND i need to go get bread for the brie....hmmm....

stu says:
stay away from that boy

stephanie says:
i think he's onto me. what if someone tipped him to the blog? that would be awkward

stu says:
yes it would

some rants, just because

This is my new car air freshener (it's Tart Citrus, a delicious aromatic cross between Juicy Fruit gum and orange-scented cleaning products; I LOVE IT! You can buy one here). I bought it on a lark - we don't really think I'm a whiner, bitcher, or moaner, right? Huh. Somehow its snarky attitude has infected me. Or I actually am a whiny bitching moaner. Regardless.

In this past week, I have been irrationally aggravated by:

• PTA moms attending classes dressed like they'd been cleaning toilets [Not that I'm a fashionista or anything, but come on]
• An adult woman with a six-inch tattoo on her leg of Winnie-the-Pooh holding a balloon [Tattoos seem like they should at least whisper "I'm edgy, with a dark side that might shock you"]
• Early "last call" at the hotel bar [Especially when Derek #1 wouldn't hang around and let me adore him. In a completely innocent and non-stalker way, of course]
• Subway worker's tone when she informed me the weekly special was posted "on the signs all over the store" [Can we just pretend I'm too busy to look around & you can be polite when offering me a deal?]
• Radio stations gabbing more than playing songs [Would calling in to request them to SHUT THE HELL UP be persuasive?]
• Forgetting my classroom keys in a different purse [I know; why have different purses anyway? It's a sickness]
• My "regular" parking space being occupied by someone else TWICE [I actually got one closer to the building but was still miffed that it wasn't my usual spot. There is something wrong with me]
• No waffles or granola bars on sale [Perhaps I should lodge a complaint with my favorite checker. Who will promptly do nothing but stand there looking hot. I'll try it tomorrow]

I know, it's a hard-knock life for me. At least it will keep me young.

favorite things

Seattle, Washington

photo by me, 2007

Wordless Wednesday wishes you well.

Guest Post #2

That's right folks, I'm back for another "I'm too tired, can you post for me?" post. I tried to convince The Woman that she really does not need a post every day, to which she plopped the laptop into my lap and said "post something and be nice".

I have noticed a theme in several of the recent comments, that show a certain concern that Stephanie is some sort of Cougar/lush/looking-for-an-affair sort of gal. I just wanted to confirm these fears are totally true...

I am kidding. My wife and I have a solid marriage and I have never had any reason to doubt her intentions in almost 19 years of being together. She loves to talk (a lot) and ends up chatting with lots of people. When she drinks she talks more. And, if you are going to have a conversation with someone, you want to pick the cute ones right?

She works hard to be a good mom/teacher/wife and I am glad she gets to go out and whoop it up from time to time whether it is with me or friends.

As for the grocery boy; Stephanie has had clippings of cute guys from magazines and movie posters since I have known her. She has always been able to spot the cute guy in the crowd, but she always stands by me. She is a good wingman.

I know, not my usual total smart ass style, but I'll save that for when I comment on your blog.

-Bad Dad

my babe in boyland

No, this is not yet another post about my silly crushes. (I can hear the concern/borderline disdain [Hello, little sister of mine] in your comments; I will cease & desist for awhile, hoping to regain your trust in me as a sober, stable, non-stalking citizen). It is about my 9 1/2 year old son.

This afternoon, my boy suddenly announced from the backseat that he wanted to call a certain friend when we got home. She had given him her phone number last Friday. Would that be alright? he asked. Sure, I said. Thirty seconds of silence then, "Actually, can I use your phone right now? Because I remember her number." He rattled it off as proof (as if I had it memorized, too). We were about three minutes from home.

I handed him my cell and he called her. I heard him first say "Hello, this is Mason. Hi. I just thought I'd call because you gave me your number. But. Now I don't really know. What to say." I glanced in the rearview mirror to see him put his hand over his eyes while he spoke. It was heartstopping, listening to my boy innocently stammer into this conversation.

But they talked until I pulled into our driveway, then continued talking while Mason absently wandered toward the street instead of into the house. They talked as he strolled around the yard and living room and kitchen. Finally, he asked (while his friend was still on the phone) if she could come over after school Thursday. Of course. He had worked so hard, how could I say no?

we are the champions

In the name of the children, people.

In the name of the children.

Don't judge.

Late for last class. Party on.

P.S. This pic shot by the nice ladies next to us who accepted our extra drinks [again, don't judge] but pointedly avoided hanging out with us afterward. It's all good.

closed due to manager discretion

I have no idea what happened, but our super fun club at the top of the hotel suddenly stopped the music & brought up the lights. It was rather disarming, though we kept drinking what we had at the table. What?? Tonight we had to pay a cover...

Anyway. We invited Dereks #1 & #2 and Joe the security guard (Michael & Ralph were very busy) to join us down here in the computer-laden bar. We also invited the ladies who were sitting next to us upstairs; we all sat around not knowing what was going on for about five minutes and we gave them a couple of our extra drinks. But they hung back and didn't get in the elevator with us, so we're pretty sure they're not showing. But some of us are hoping the dudes come hang out; they're really fun. Or at least amusingly embarrassed to receive so much attention. [It's all very innocent, Husband of Mine, no worries].

Away I go. More later.

tiny update - or, this post would be in twitter if i could keep it under 150 characters

My "friends" went upstairs to change before we go to the funky club and make utter whitebread goofballs of ourselves have a grand time. FORTY FIVE MINUTES AGO.

Please try to thoroughly visualize this situation: I am sitting in front of a computer, at a bar, by myself. FOR FORTY FIVE MINUTES. I did walk away briefly to use the bathroom because I thought surely my "friends" would be back soon and I had better be ready. When I finished, I stood near the hall where they would emerge then I did the nonchalant "Just waiting for someone" stroll for a couple of minutes. I sat on the edge of the uncomfortable orange couch outside the bar. Finally I decided to get back online and read a couple of blogs, still thinking they would be here any moment. Then I succumbed to the urge to play the geography game, even though everyone walking past me to go into the bar could see what totally geekilicious thing I was doing. By myself.

Now I'm wondering what will look more pathetic - remaining here in front of the computer reading blogs and playing games, or sitting back and watching Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle on the bar TV.

FIFTY FIVE MINUTES.

A to your Q

Responding to queries from commenters:

• Yes, there are in fact FIVE computers just outside the bar area at this hotel. Two years ago when I was here for convention, I changed all the backgrounds to pictures of Gael Garcia Bernal. Hehee.
• I have actually attended classes about PTA and legislative issues, and I have learned stuff.
• I'm not exactly sure how I've earned so much trust from my husband - between tolerating my exaggerated need for grocery shopping and being cool with me acting like a hip-hop dancing fool 150 miles away from home, Stu really is a saint. Praise him more.
• Indeed, all of those new friends are boys. But I won't be stalking them. That's wrong.

makin' friends

Disclaimer: I have had four raspberry lemon drops (no Chambord issues tonight) in four hours. And I have danced [badly, most likely] to various rap songs during that time. Take this post as you will using that background information.

Let me say, I am pretty proud of myself for coming out from under the down comforter and heavenly lead-like bedspread at 9:45 p.m. to head upstairs to the funky nightclub in our hotel. Earlier in the day it seemed like a given - stay up until 2 a.m., wooooohoooo, no problem! But after the last PTA voting session? ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yet I rallied.

Here are the friends I made this evening/morning:

Derek #1, a darling 26-year old "Director of Golf" (wtf? I still don't quite follow the job description) with *ahem* size 13 1/2 feet [please don't ask why we asked; it was quite innocent]

Derek #2, aka Skippy (because he totally looked like the boy from Family Ties), our waiter who sweetly humored our requests for crazy things like a glass of ice

Joe, the security guard who we thought was an EMT but was not, who was pretending to care about listening to all of our new Vice President's stories about labor and guilt and I can't really follow what else she's talking about

Michael, another security guard who could not appreciate the fact that he looked exactly like Seth Rogen with a crew cut. He refused to smile and finally said, "I would rather look like myself." Precious.

Ralph, yet another security guard who didn't really look like anyone but was super sweet. Did I mention that they are riding Segways? It was kind of hot. In the most nerdy sexy way possible.

Kone, the bouncer/doorman at the club who is from the Ivory Coast (which I smartly identified as "Cote-d'Ivoire;" he was totally impressed). He used to teach there and would love to do the same here; we gave him a contact. We are the coolest people ever.

I think we're being made to return to our rooms. Will post more adventures tomorrow.

last call, wha??

Hey, here I am at the state convention! That stereotype about PTA moms? Bah.

Although I did only have one lemon drop (with Chambord, which the waiter seemed to think was really scandalous...Look at me, raising hell already! And I just tried to link "Chambord" in case you didn't know it's a raspberry liqueur, but the hotel has blocked alcohol-related sites. Huh) and my roommates are making me go to bed. I'm pretty sure I haven't said or done anything particularly outrageous [yet].

We have, however, witnessed certain other PTA types getting their drink on in a wild & wacky way. It's better to watch than be watched, I'm thinking. Unless we're discussing grocery store clerks. (Damn, I said I wasn't going to mention him anymore. Okay, starting now).

Seriously? My friends have actually left me at this computer in the bar. Wow. Potentially embarrassing.

Going now.

on my way for pta

I know simply because I am looking forward to the end of this school day (I realize that sounds horrible; I still love my job & most of my students, just getting rundown for a minute), it will drag on interminably. I'm trying to incorporate fun things into planning projects & looking up vocabulary...Maybe I'll just bring cookies.

This afternoon I am racing to Barnes & Noble for their Educator Appreciation reception before I have to leave for the state PTA convention. It seems crazy to drive all the way across town to spend 20 minutes in a bookstore, but they're giving stuff away! Teachers like free! And they'll have cake. Teachers like cake, too.

Last night when I spoke with an actual friendly, conversational checker at the grocery store, I told him about the PTA convention this weekend. He asked where it was then said, "Will you have time to do anything fun up there?" Apparently I made some sort of face (I really must get control of my expressions before I reveal something embarrassing or sinister) and he quickly said, "I didn't mean to imply that...it...wouldn't be, you know, fun." It was quite sweet (not enough to make me stalk him though) so I let him off the hook by telling him the convention really is pretty interesting [plus full of more freebies from educational vendors] but I also have time to get away and shop. Which didn't really impress him I knew, but he was still kind and engaged and wished me a good time. I was an inch away from saying, "Could you please train THAT HOT ONE to make pleasant small talk with stalkers cougars congenial women who shop here?" But of course, no.

So I have my snacks ready to go, suitcase packed, bag of magazines to share. Must remember stress tablets, just in case. Trust me, though - there will be no walking excursions in SeaTac.