halloween + friday = wooooohooooo

Wonder what my favorite undead teacher is up to today?

1. My favorite food seasoning is garlic (sorry, Spike).

2. "Fountains of Wayne is coming back to Portland January 16th" is music to my ears (and other key parts of my body).

3. Lucky is as lucky does.

4. My birthday is something I take very seriously.

5. Many people worry too much. Or don't worry enough.

6. Treats for Halloween was the last thing I bought at the store.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to not freezing to death while helping my children collect more candy than they will ever be allowed to actually eat, tomorrow my plans include rollerskating with the kids, and Sunday I want to savor the extra hour through hard sleeping!

Feast on more Frightfully Fun Friday Fill-Ins

thursday thursday...sigh

I was not kidding when I said Thursdays are meant to be random. Buckle in.

• This morning, I absolutely swear I am not making this up, I could not figure out how I usually put foundation on my makeup sponge. I picked up the sponge then the foundation bottle and suddenly felt awkward; I put the sponge back in its basket and started over, trying not to think about it (because you know how when you start thinking too hard about doing something, it becomes even more difficult?). Again, same awkward feeling. I walked away and finished a different morning activity, then came back and finally got my makeup on. I thought maybe I was having a stroke.
• While watching Gattaca with my Tech class [there are computers and other sciencey things in it! Plus Jude Law & Ethan Hawke...], one of my teenage students asked me, in all seriousness, "How did THAT happen?" when the Ethan Hawke character and Uma Thurman character started kissing after she was angry with him for beating up a cop. I had to quickly (and delicately) explain about the thin line between love & hate.
• During a discussion with my freshman English class about wishes (we were about to read "The Monkey's Paw"), I asked what they thought their parents might wish for; after everyone mentioned something about themselves ("They'd wish for our happiness...A break from us...That we would behave..."), I asked them to think of something their parents might desire that had nothing to do with them. A boy who acts like everything I do & say in class is useless and dumb looked straight at me with a sincere face and said, "Wow, yeah. I guess I never think about my parents having a life outside of me and my brothers. Huh." And then he immediately went back to slouching and sneering.
• After school, I turned into the most inefficient individual I know. Essentially, I moved piles of papers to different parts of my room (none the proper destination), deliberated over e-mails (who to write, what to say, which to delete, which to save, make a new folder?), rated songs on Pandora, then finally headed home.
• Once I reached home, however, it occurred to me that we didn't have candy for tomorrow's trick-or-treaters. So I turned around and headed for Trader Joe's, but the parking lot was packed and it was starting to rain and I couldn't face walking far, getting wet, and fighting crowds. So I left (in a convoluted, right-turns-only way) and headed for Whole Foods. I didn't grab a cart because I was just getting treats, yet decided as I wandered that we needed granola bars, tater tots, and a baguette, too. I barely plopped everything onto the counter safely and remembered my credit card was in the car [I am not trustworthy carrying it in my regular wallet]. Told the cute checker (we'll call him Grocery Boy II) "Please hold," ran to the car & back [okay, no, I did not actually run], and finished the sale with pleasant conversation about me being a teacher and it's almost Friday.
• I decided that, since I bought a baguette, we need the next Sopranos DVD so I headed to Blockbuster (no Geeky Cute Video Expert Guy today; great, I've probably made another one quit his job...). Wandered around browsing for a few minutes, picked up The Secret Window because I erroneously thought I would get a free older rental [Monday - Wednesday only], got out of line to put it back on the shelf, checked out, drove home, realized three movies we have needed to be returned tonight to avoid Debtors' Prison, got back in the car to drive four blocks to the video store (still no GCVEG).
• After dinner, I had a full dress rehearsal of my Totally 80s Girl costume for tomorrow. It will only be hilarious to us teachers who actually lived through the trauma of neon & Aqua Net, but I'm game. The Social Studies teacher is joining me and we're hoping the principal will, too; we couldn't talk the men into being breakdancers...

Happy Halloween Eve

on the money

photo (and bullseye) by Mason, 2008

More great shots at Wordless Wednesday

milk, wine, chocolate, Cheetos. what?

I hit the Target tonight for the necessary dairy staple and helped out my best friend by picking up chips for her son's birthday party tomorrow, then grabbed some chocolate for another friend's housewarming gift and THEN discovered one of my favorite wines (Chateau Ste. Michelle Gewurtztraminer [I really like saying that with my Frau Blucher accent]) on sale for $5.49. But I didn't feel judged at all in the checkout line, mainly because it was 8:15 p.m. and the checker was just ready to go home, not worry about my items. Though she did card me; I immediately prayed for a thousand blessings on her.

This post is essentially my online version of a lost grocery list; if it were on actual paper and dropped outside the store, someone might send it in to Found Magazine and speculate on my hormonal cycle.

Please feel free to skip that step.

love fest

The school board had its public hearing tonight regarding the budget for our high school's new building. We at Hayes Freedom have been imploring our students to simply show up and be the smart, talented, remarkable people we know them to be; we invited them to speak about the school if they felt moved to do so; we warned them about the possibility of people with differing and potentially cruel opinions.

Our kids showed up, looking & behaving like the smart, talented, remarkable people we know them to be. Many of them were moved to speak not only about the school but also about the friends they've made, the successes they've experienced, how comfortable & safe they feel at school, and about the teachers they know care deeply about them. No one opposed us, no one was cruel.

Parents spoke, proud to tears of their kids; graduates spoke, to much applause. We teachers didn't speak this time, partly because we had already given our piece to the school board but also because, really, we would just stand there blubbering over the bravery and sincerity of all those who got up before us. It was beautiful and, we hope, effective.

Ride the train, y'all

tough love

Everyone who has had the misfortune of getting caught in one of my football-themed diatribes knows I would not be the kind of coach who gives out there-there pats; unlike my students who are still growing up and figuring out how to behave (and even so, my there-theres are limited in supply), college & professional football players are adults who ought to know by now how to behave.


Throughout my time at WSU, the Cougars' coach gave me fits every week with his too-kind grandfatherly way of consoling & excusing players who clearly needed a swift kick in the ass, or at least a few minutes of reflection on the bench. I had classes with many of those jokers who didn't seem to get that they were part of a team, and that their actions - both heroic and idiotic - spoke for everyone.


Today I was heartened to see Mike Singletary, interim coach of the San Francisco 49ers, get on one of his players for unsportsmanlike conduct. Some coaches would yell at a player, some would ignore him, some would seethe and stomp on the sidelines; Mike Singletary first benched Vernon Davis then, after consideration, told him to go take a shower and call it a day. What I love the most about this action is that Singletary did it without anger - his point was that Davis was not being a team player and so needed to leave the game to get himself together. Genius.

I hope I can be like Mike with my own kids and in my classroom. (Though I will forgo the 49ers gear).

questionable

A funtastic find at Always Evolving's Korner - I love lists, I love randomness, I love easy-bake-posts on the weekend...

1. Do you like blue cheese? Let's just say I eat it to feel very grown-up & sophisticated.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Um, no. Creepy.

3. Do you own a gun? No, they make me jumpy.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I don't actually frequent The Sonic (don't hate, Southern folks) but I would probably go for cherry.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not unless they tell me there will be a needle involved.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I try not to actually think of hot dogs...

7. Favorite Christmas movie? For the joyous weeping, It's A Wonderful Life; for the irreverent laughter, Christmas Vacation.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Screwdriver Orange juice.

9. Can you do push-ups? Let's keep it in the singular - yes.

10. Age? Twenty times two

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring

12. Favorite hobby? Tie between reading & writing [snore, I know]

13. Favorite actor? Edward Norton

14. Do you have A.D.D.? I'm good at multitasking, let's say.

15. What’s one trait you hate about yourself? Do my knees count as a 'trait'? Because I think they're horrid.

16. Middle name? Denise

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. 1) I want to go back to sleep. 2) Kinda hungry. 3) How long could I stay in bed before someone needed something?

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday/today. Yesterday I gave a buck to a student for lunch, picked up a Target gift card for a birthday present, and gave the kids their allowance; not much actual buying...

19. 3 drinks you regularly drink? 1) water 2) milk 3) tea [wine would be 4th]

20. 3 Current worries? I try not to give a lot of time to worries but: 1) Stu's dad's health 2) my sister's stress level 3) being prepared for next quarter's classes

21. Current hate right now? I don't like to hate things, but I grow quite weary of ignorant attitudes.

22. Favorite place to be? Where my man & kids are or, conversely, a steamy bath tub.

23. How did you bring in the New Year? Tamely, at my best friend's family-friendly party

24. Where would you like to go? Ireland, NYC, Disneyland on a slow day

25. Name three people who will complete this. Me, myself, I (no pressure, readers)

26. Do you own slippers? Oh yes

27. What shirt are you wearing? Camisole & pajama tee

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I doubt they're really for sleeping on.

29. Can you whistle? A tune, yes; the loud sporting event kind? No.

30. Favorite color? Usually red, sometimes navy, sometimes an earthy sage

31. Would you be a pirate? Is Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom somehow involved? Then yes.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I'm usually too tired for singing in the shower. But if I did, it'd be something from a Broadway show.

33. Favorite girl’s name? Besides mine & my daughter's - Olivia.

34. Favorite boy’s name? Other than Stuart & Mason - Seth.

35. What is in your pocket? Nothing; it's a tiny patch on my pajama bottoms

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Jim Gaffigan CD & Forgetting Sarah Marshall

37. Best bed sheets as a child? I honestly don't remember having any particular favorites. Kinda sad, huh.

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I ripped the end off my big toe when I was 10, riding a bike in flip-flops.

39. Do you love where you live? I do.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? One is plenty for us.

41. Who is your loudest friend? Am I my own friend? I think it's me.

42. How many dogs do you have? None anymore.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Highly unlikely.

44. What is your favorite book? I really loved The Talisman by Stephen King.

45. Where were you born? Oak Harbor, Washington

46. What is your favorite candy? I can always devour Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and peanut butter M&Ms.

47. Favorite sports team? Dallas Cowboys [surprise!]

48. What songs do you want played at your funeral? Interestingly, I've already considered this in depth...

49.What were you doing at 12 A.M.? Voldemort. KIDDING! I was asleep. [Maybe]

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? I love weekends.

i love today

1. Right now, I'm feeling overwhelmed with gladness for the speed & ease of this week.

2. Wherever my kids & man are is where I want to be (unless I were offered free tickets to someplace in Europe...Shhh).

3. How does one relish each day while still looking so forward to the weekend?

4. Prayer (with a side of chocolate & the promise of wine) keeps me on track.

5. Please don't be cruel. Or stinky.

6. [My son reading over my shoulder says this should be "Children"] Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale, & Edward Norton fill me with joy.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to movies & cocktails with best friend and husbands (hers & mine, people), tomorrow my plans include sleeping in then afternoon church luau, and Sunday, I want to see my Cowboys play a decent game (refer back to #4)!

Friday, Friday; we love that day @ Friday Fill-Ins

more sex talk

It just never ends with preteens.

Scene: Stu & I were being playfully frisky in the kitchen while the kids did homework nearby.

Paige: NO! (Running to break us apart) No Voldemort!

Me: Um, we're not really doing Voldemort here in front of everyone; just kissing.

Mason: (With a completely serious demeanor) So have you guys actually done Voldemort since Paige was born?

Stu & I: (Stunned speechless momentarily) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Uh, yes.

take me away

Chijmes, Singapore

photo by me, 2006

Escape with Wordless Wednesday

loopy tuesday

My school day went unnaturally well - tech students seemed to actually enjoy the 'show & tell' assignment (they each shared 3 favorite Internet sites; I had to override the district block on a few...); Advocacy students seemed to actually enjoy stuffing envelopes for a community service project; Freshman English students seemed to actually enjoy listening to & discussing a short story.

When I got home, I had a driving desire to change not into just any comfortable clothes but my camo pants, brown GAP sweater, and Crocs.

Later, I stopped by Blockbuster to rent another Sopranos despite the possibility of an exorbitant late fee for a movie I never actually watched but eventually turned in. They have a new Fascist policy of charging the cost of the movie (if one were to stupidly buy it at full retail price from the most expensive film boutique on Rodeo Drive) once it's 5 days overdue. Previously, when they threatened charging the full cost, they always backed down and merely slapped me on the hand with a $1.25 "restocking fee." (Does the clerk putting away this late movie actually get to take home that fantastic bonus? Curious). But now I can only get away with the $1.25 if I return the rental within 10 days of the original due date, which is only 5 days after the date they charge my account $377.95 and precisely one day before I remember to get the *#(&*(@ movie back to the store. And to make everything worse, I've developed an unhealthy, inexplicable need for one of our Blockbuster clerks to find me captivating and smart enough to discuss video selections with; I've heard him talking with other people about great choices - why doesn't he say those things to ME? [Yes he's cute, in a geeky movie expert way - kind of how the nerdy music expert bald guy in High Fidelity is strangely attractive]. So of course Geeky Cute Video Expert Guy was the one to tell me I owed $377.95 for a movie I said I had already turned in but somehow was not actually checked back in. I can stand that kind of mix-up with a homely, not-so-movie-savvy clerk; the encounter with GCVEG deflated me in my cool camo pants. Sigh.

But anyway, the children started homework EARLY without any prompting from me, I finished all laundry (including folding and mostly putting away), my best friend/neighbor shared her roast beef & sweet potato dinner with us, the children got ready for bed ON TIME and we cozily read Harry Potter together (we've started the series again; we missed the Hogwarts crew), and then I cuddled up with Stu to rewatch the delightful Baby Mama.

And now I'm finishing this very silly post (because Stu wouldn't be my guest writer tonight) and going to bed.

Loopy.

[P.S. for the concerned: The past-due charge was really only $23 and GCVEG did dismiss it. But not smilingly and/or with praise for my previous movie choices...]

pleasure & payne

I went to see my second husband last night.

My two best friends were gracious enough to a) invite me out after my crappy football day and b) choose a movie starring my favorite scowling tough guy/former Funky Bunch frontman. Plus they waited a few minutes while I changed out of my cursed Cowboy gear and into something more Hip Mom Going to Hot Guy Action Movie. We went to our favorite outrageously overpriced trendy gourmet theater, Cinetopia, where we severely confused the waitress with our crazy requests to split the bill and sit in the restaurant while we waited for the movie to start. I caused further turmoil when I asked for a Seven Layer Bar, which was no longer in the nearest cold case but instead "on the other side of concessions" (there were 3 possible places it could be and I couldn't find it at any of them).

After this much ado, we prepared to melt into our seats from the sheer hotness of Mark Wahlberg along with the smokey goodness of Christopher Bridges, aka Ludacris. There was a momentary worry that we would have to put a smackdown on the dudes in front of us who seemed unaware that every time they texted [as the movie was starting; WTF?], their freaking iPhones lit up like beacons. But our kind reminders were enough and we settled in for the fantastic pleasure of Max Payne.

Like Wanted, this was brain candy with lava-hot eye candy filling. Max Payne's story is slightly more credible but in the end, it was a who-cares-how-unbelievable-it-is-I-am-blissfully-enthralled thrill ride of a movie. There was nothing not to love about it, unless you are immune to the sensitive tough-guy appeal of Mr. Wahlberg or can't appreciate the studious yet charmingly cocky nature of Mr. Bridges (Ludacris, that is, not Beau; he was actually a tad overdone). The explosions, the gunfights, the mysterious & spooky Valkyries, those beautiful furrowed brows...

Let me feel your pain...

die hard

Dedicated to my wretched abominable beloved Dallas Cowboys

I just wanna...

is there a doctor (or rock star or jedi or monster) in the house?

Some were dubious.

Some were noncompliant.

Some were thinking too hard.

But then there was chicken-dancing,

and convening of like minds.

Peace out.

_______________________

We had a fabulous time at the CARRA Costume Ball! We even won wine!

MamaMilton and her crew were there, too, but of course I didn't get a decent picture of them.

I'm just glad the doubters & frowners changed their ways before Dr. Bad Mom had to perform attitude surgery...

strike one

Good news: What I have is clearly not the flu because today I have gladly eaten, without intestinal recourse, a pumpkin cream cheese muffin & soy chai latte, 2 slices of English white Cheddar & 4 Kalamata olives, three small squares of homemade brownies, and reheated sweet potato fries.

Bad news: My head throbs & vision gets slightly blurry if I move too quickly (including yawning) AND my nose is painfully stuffy when I sit in one position too long.

No social activity for me tonight, sorry PTA. I don't even know if I can keep a date with The Sopranos. Or my new Facebook zealots friends...

just like 1987

Don't ask me why a dude wearing lipstick & gobs of eye makeup made me swoon so, but I played this song [on a cassette single] constantly during my year of exile in community college.

The Cure - Just like heaven

The untucked shirts, the clunky sneakers with slacks,

the hair the hair the hair...Sigh

gotta have friends

My best friend Jen & I joke, whenever one of us mentions going somewhere without the other, that we aren't allowed to make new friends. We are all we need! And it is definitely true, for me, that I have never had someone like her in my life - before she moved in across the street (how lucky am I??), I was still referring to the girls I went to high school with as 'my best friends.' I have had close colleagues wherever I've worked, neighbors I would invite to dinner occasionally or play Bunco with monthly, but until five years ago I had no girlfriend I trusted enough to share my shortcomings & insecurities with; no one to sit & drink tea with for hours.

Yet here we go, making new friends despite ourselves. The beauty of it is that we are so comfortable & confident that it is possible to branch out without weakening our relationship [I feel like I'm channeling Oprah; please forgive]. We've survived - and really, thrived - bringing Mama Milton into our circle; in fact, she is the swing vote to our opposite choices for president. (Never fear, I'm pretty sure Lisa will choose wisely...).

Tonight I met with a lovely, delightful woman who contacted me via PTA first about a legislative issue, but then remarked that she loved my blog and would like to have coffee with me. How fabulously cool and 1950s friendly is that? Except for the blog part, of course. As I've been getting immersed in the world of Mad Men, I find myself longing (again; I once desperately wished to be transported to Milwaukee circa Happy Days) to be living in a time of extreme etiquette, dress- & heel-wearing and getting hair & nails done every other day. As silly as it might seem, I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood partly because I want to go next door and borrow sugar. Getting in touch with someone to meet over coffee feels like a step in that direction; I almost wanted to put on a fresh outfit with hat & gloves.

I'm not looking for a return to smoking everywhere and talking around certain subjects, but making time to sit & chat with girlfriends, old & new, seems divine.

a night in the life of...

Well, I was too bloody lazy to get my camera at 6:00 this morning (when I awoke, walked into the bathroom to turn off my alarm, then went back to bed until 7:15), too busy engaging in my self-imposed urgency to document getting ready, and then the rest was relatively tedious and/or embarrassing, so here instead are some pics from Friday's fun.

Our posh choice for the evening.

Lovely ladies at my table

The posh menu [with humorous asides]

Awaiting my freshly shaken drink

Glitter Pants for me!

(Oh yes that is a rock candy stick garnish)

Time for a work-of-art dessert

Yes. Candied bacon on chocolate torte.

Swear. to. God.

And it was good.

F for participation (and Frick)

I told the smart and lovely and kind Mrs. G at Derfward Manor that I would play her "Day in the Life" game today, but alas I forgot.

I would love to have had you peek at me getting out bed, finally, at 7:15 (even though I was asleep by 9:20 last night). Included would be a look at me waking children to take showers, cajoling children into having hot lunch because I hadn't put anything together yet, reminding everyone I would not be home before 6pm, and eating a granola bar in the car. Also me singing to an old song on the alternative rock station.

It would have been great for you to witness various slackers in my Tech class surreptitiously perusing Craigslist when they thought I wasn't looking. And you could also have seen the rock star students who actually played the assigned Traveler IQ game until they got to at least Level 6.

I would have posted a picture of 25+ kids folding letters & stuffing envelopes under threat of a low participation grade out of the goodness of their teenage hearts to help make light of a big mailing project.

There would be my You Are Wasting Everyone's Precious Learning Time face during Freshman English, followed by a look at the bravery exhibited by kids reading poetry to the class (as well as my I Totally Knew You Could Do It-You're Fabulous face). Plus a gratuitous shot of the much-heralded document camera in action.

Then I'd show you the district office where I updated my insurance for the year and where our staff presented our Reasons We Deserve An Actual Building to the school board (which went quite well; we've scheduled a public hearing for the end of the month). Picture us warily pleased.

A shot of tired husband making mac & cheese, son practicing trombone, daughter drawing various hybrid creatures, and me kicking off professional-looking teacher shoes.

I'll try to do better tomorrow, but I can't guarantee anything more thrilling than what you've just not witnessed.

sad football haiku

cowboys versus cards
should have been a simple win
no joy in dallas


four and two not bad
lots of teams have worse records
no consolation


heartstopping field goal
overtime offers new hope
stupid punt-blocker


next week: st. louis
(thanks for today's redskin loss)
get back on track, 'boys


*She takes a bow to much finger-snapping approval*

glitches

I did not make it to the Out of the Darkness walk this morning - not because I partied like a rock star last night - due to visiting parents, trees needing removal, and birthday party attendance. I am sad that I missed all of our Renegades banding together in honor of a classmate, but I did have a fine time with my mom, and Stu enjoyed truck-driving man-bonding time with Mason & my dad, and Paige origamied her heart out with friends.

I would like to post pictures of the drunken fun parents-gone-wild lovely Friday celebration but cannot find my camera and must get ready for yet another night out with my man. Tonight we attend an auction to raise money for Camas Education Foundation, otherwise known as the group in our district that does not think the alternative high school should be relegated to the badlands; they gave us $18K last year to bolster our tiny closet of a library. We thank & support them by purchasing whatever items we can tonight, be it knitted scarves (a former student created one from camouflage yarn! I'm gunning for that), tickets to the children's theater, or a basket full of bath products.

Must go iron pants and fix hair, plus try to conceal the mysterious swelling under my left eye. Within 17 minutes. It's always something...

THIS JUST IN: We procured the scarf (wooohoooo! Of course I outbid my principal for it; stay tuned for word of my continued employment; maybe I can work out a sharing system); two adorable little tables with mosaic tops, created by elementary students; a large mirror with a funky lacquered tissue paper frame, also created by elementary students, that I cannot wait to hang in my classroom; plus a girls' night out at a local boutique that not only includes gift certificates for clothes AND shoes but also a cocktail party catered by my secret bartender boyfriend Dave. I KNOW! I love education.

glory day

1. One of the best concerts/plays/movies I ever saw that I really didn't think I'd like was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (we tried to give away our tickets until an hour before the show...).

2. My grandma's banana bread (I added chocolate chips...) is a recipe I recently made that was delicious!

3. It's time for sweaters & rain boots & cocoa (oh my).

4. A day off now & again is quite refreshing.

5. If I never hear the word "Maverick" again, it'll be too soon.

6. To one side of the curving road was a Mad Man, and on the other was a Soprano (I can't help it; I love my TV boys).

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to my best friend's birthday celebration (with my other best friend, too!), tomorrow my plans include a walk for suicide prevention + education foundation auction, and Sunday, I want to visit with my parents & watch [wait for it] football!

Blessed Friday Fill-Ins

thursday - it's the new friday

Something about Thursdays just shouts "RANDOM." I was already in a muddled-head state trying to decide what to talk about (nothing coherent was the consensus) then popped over to This Wonderful, Crazy Life and found her post for today is "Random Thoughts, Again." One of our local radio stations hosts "Totally Random Thursdays" for people to call in and discuss whatever crosses their minds. It's just in the air.

Random Bit #1

We have no school tomorrow so today feels very Friday - I wore my Impress Your Friends - Participate in Class t-shirt [thanks, little sis] and my Ed Hardy sneakers; students were decidedly stir crazy and incapable of retaining facts beyond "There is no school tomorrow"; I'm giddily looking forward to having chanterelles, wine, brie & bread with my man while watching Survivor AND episodes of Mad Men AND The Sopranos until the wee hours. I might fit in some time for Wii Fit (though I'm not looking forward to it shaking its little Wii Fit Balance Board fist at me for missing 2 weeks a few days).

Randomosity #2

I baked four mini-loaves of banana chocolate chip bread last night and can't stop patting myself on the back (and taking bites every time I walk through the kitchen). I will be baking more tonight and possibly tomorrow, not [only] because it's so delicious but because I have at least 18 black bananas in my freezer; they're encroaching on space for actual food products. And they gross out the kids & neighbors.

RamalamaRandomness #3

I'm feeling inordinately excited about the bamboo utensils that arrived from Pampered Chef today. Maybe they will help me actually plan & prepare meals more than 5 minutes in advance. *Fingers crossed!*

RanDom-DumDumDum #4 (I swear I am not drunk [yet])

I find that I am slightly grouchy when I go into Whole Foods now, because Grocery Boy is obviously (sigh) no longer working there AND no one will say where he's gone. Not that I've asked, of course. I can't think of a good nonchalant way to do it.

And then there is this:

Hello, Second Husband, how are you today?

The End.

heaven

South Bank Book Market, London

photo by geekilicious me, 2008

[Technically] Wordless Wednesday

guess what i'm thinking of

Does that seem wrong?

Thanks to Larry, I've found Wordle - a deliciously fun waste of precious moments way to postpone chores.

hammtastic

What drives me mad lately...

Good morning, dear

I'll buy whatever you're selling. Twelve, please.

Of course I would like a drink. And a cigarette.

And anything else you want.

_________________

Seriously, that is all I can do on this Monday. But it feels just right, really.

sex talk

Recently, our 10-year old asked if we could please not use the word "sex" around him. Understand that we, his parents, do not typically go on and on about sex with our children; we happened at that point to be talking about the upcoming "Health & Hygiene" movie for 5th graders.

We asked which word he would prefer we use for a very natural part of life. Of course he rolled his eyes at that - MOM (said in two syllables & a sigh) - then mentioned some wacky phrase that his friend says instead of sex. I asked why he felt he couldn't stand to hear the real word, which brought on uncomfortable wiggles and fidgets so I offered an alternative I could live with: Voldemort. For the uninitiated (shame on you), Voldemort is the wizard who tries to kill Harry Potter; his power is diminished when people say his name aloud - so it would follow that using his name in place of s-e-x diminishes the weirdness of the word. At the very least, it sounds pretty hilarious in conversation and now we can actually discuss you-know-what without aggravation.

Today being Football Day in Bad Momland, the TV was rife with ads for a particular male-oriented dysfunction. Mason made a comment about how "weird" they are so I asked if he knew what the drug is for. He made a face and said "So old guys, like in their 50s, can, you know..." I told him it's not necessarily just for "old guys" (and 50s does not necessarily equal old) then asked (because I'm cruel), "And what do you mean by 'you know'?" More eye-rolling so I clarified, "You're right, though it's specifically to help if a man's penis is not working properly for...Voldemort." Which produced gales of laughter all around, then this from the boy:

"Mom. He would use his 'wand' for Voldemort."

My wife can't post and drive at the same time, pffft...What's with that?

AKA Stu's guest post #3.

That's right beloved reader, this is not Stephanie, but rather her home maintenance and bedroom satisfaction guy. I had to put that last part in since I was given strict instructions to "don't post anything naughty" (oops, blew that rule).

Anyway, the little lady was off this weekend being all PTAish and stuff while I pine away at home (don't cry for me Argentina). I took this opportunity to put in a new toilet and faucet in our downstairs bathroom. While buying the toilet and faucet, our son (who has a hard time with change) questioned me incessantly about why we need a new toilet. Regular reasoning did no good.

Boy: Dad why do we need a new toilet? I like our toilet.

Me: Because that toilet is always plugging.

Boy: It works fine for me...most of the time...

Me: Exactly. "Mostly" is not how I like my toilets to work.

Boy: Why is this one better?

Me: Well in our toilet the poop moves very slow. If I am poop (snicker) and move very slow toward you (I am now slowly moving toward him) how hard is it to stop me? (I am now sort of gently bumping and swirling around him)

Boy (now giggling as Poop Dad is bumping him): easy

Me: Now, if I am the same poop and I am running at you, can you stop me? (I am now running right at him)

Boy: AAAAAAAAAAAhhh

Me: This is why we need a new toilet.

Boy: Right.

Poop talk always works with boys

Sorry to not have a very long post, but both of the kids are sleeping at friend's houses, Stephanie is almost home, and I need to get ready for some of that 'home maintenance' I was not supposed to mention...

-Stu

another word

Dear Everyone In The Political Arena,

Unless you are talking about this guy,

I would let him call me "Little Lady"

this guy,

Not as good as Mad Max; light years beyond Hamlet

or this guy,

Before the crazy; please come back...

please refrain from using the word "Maverick."

Because you, Senator, are no...

Sincerely,

Not A Hockey Mom

words

My students have spent a lot of time lately blithely humoring me working diligently to find & use more meaningful, powerful words. We've talked at length about the variety of words - plethora, if you will - available to them, about going beyond the staid & stale 'good' and 'like' and 'fun.'

It's been like pulling teeth an absolute joy; everyday we do things like share different ways of answering the question "How are you?" I've found myself being more honest when people ask it of me (instead of the immediate "Fine" I might respond, "Mediocre." People stare, it's quite amusing), and even the teenagers have tried out "Delightful" and "Crappy, actually." It's an English major's mini-fantasy.

I'm including a link right here to a site that may be considered offensive to some; it's about a word that I did not include in my list (see below) but really do find immensely satisfying from time to time.

Anyhoo (which is not a real word but is occasionally enjoyable to utter), I've made a list of some favorite words at A-Lister today. Go see, and join in. Feel free to roll your eyes and sigh heavily before doing so, for the full teenager effect.

have a seat

Amsterdam

photo by me, 2008



Relax with Wordless Wednesday